Tuesday, 9 August 2011

A little about long distance relationship

Of the many things in our relation, distance has been the constant one. I and S live in different cities and thus our relation gets classified under what is called "Long distance relationship."

The one question that irritates me no end is, "What was the last time you guys met?"
The question touches the raw wound. More often the question is asked in a rhetoric sense giving you a sense of discomfort, as if questioning "Are you really in a relationship?"

Being in a long distance relationship, you are caught somewhere in between. You don't fit into the group of single friends because you are neither waiting for the Mr Right nor are you lamenting the "absence of a soul mate". You don't fit in with your hooked friends because you aren't bunking classes on Valentine's Day, or get pampered with Roses and chocolates or go on dates with the exquisite planning!

So you are mostly left to your own unless you find a girlie in a similar situation (which most definitely won't happen that easy).

Recently I met this very much in love (read not even 3 months into relationship) couple. They happened to be my school friends. The guy let's name him A and the girl let's call her T had made a detailed plan and added meeting up with friends as an after thought ( to show pics to their parents! Whatever excuse they had made, friends clearly figured big time in it as these people frantically clicked pictures even of people not with us!)

stays in another city and T stays in mine. So these guys were drooling over each other while I was made the unwilling, uncomfortable witness! The other friends out of habit were turning out late.
So while I watched their PDA and glanced nervously here and there ( I clearly don't enjoy being the kabaab me haddi) A clicked many snaps of his darling T  and she kept on insisting he not spoil his "white colored Tshirt" leaning his arms all over the table. ( I never gathered what the matter was over that Tshirt!)

A asked me, "Then how is your S" (Ofcourse he doesn't call S as S.. But names are not to be taken on this blog ;))
I search for a neutral answer and reply as , "He's fine."
I don't talk any further and they feel its not normal! ( They are in that phase of love when they can't stop talking about each other. It is that novelty factor, "Oh she like softy", "Oh he sleeps all day!" )
They prod me some more and I curtly say, "Let's not talk more about that." because I m dead sure whatever I say, you guys will start your own lovey dovey story and I m so not in mood to listen to your sweet nothings!

I get that look and A can't resist asking, "You guys are still together right?"
That's the thing ! You don't want to talk about your love and people automatically think you have broken up! Long distance is under continuous speculations! No matter why you are not so bubbly, friends always think that the inevitable has happened.

I give back a smile and say, "Yeah all fine.."
Then T  asks me the hated question, "When did you guys last meet?"
I m left wondering why I turned up to meet these people!!!!!!!
I make a straight face and say, "Jan 2009."
I get the expected response!
Yes! That look you give a martyr! Heck I m none of it!
T says to A, "Look how she is living and you want to meet all the time." and he gives her one adoring look and says, "As if only I keep saying on the phone that I want to meet you." and I want to slap them both!

The late comers come to my rescue and thankfully the conversation is now about other things. I heave a sigh of relief!

When we are about to leave, A was about to forget his cellphone and quickly returns to pick it back and tells me,
"Phone is so very important for us, we would probably go mad if there was no phone."
I give him an understanding look over his stupid remark and say, "Who knows better!"
A, how I hate him for this, returns back my sarcasm and says, "I know you must be feeling terrible even if you don't show it."
I want to smash the bisleri bottle lying on the table into his bird brained head!

Although I get those admiring looks from the girlfriend-afflicted guys , it gets to my nerves when I m forcefully made to adorn that "all sacrificing" nature.
Long distance is a choice. No one forces you to continue long distance. If you do continue long distance, it means that there is something that gives you happiness. For me it is S. I want him in my life, long distance or otherwise and for that choice I really don't think I m making a sacrifice. Unless ofcourse, it would be a lifelong situation. In that case, I would definitely opt out.

Ofcourse, long distance relation is not all rosy..
There are times when you wish you too had your special someone sharing the umbrella with you on a rainy day..
Times when you will envy your friends being pampered by their lovers on Valentine's day..
Times when you will be depressed you cannot celebrate your birthday with your love..

I often talk myself out of these lonely thoughts with my vision of a future of 
 endless mornings I will wake up next to S..
The countless nights I will cuddle up with S .
The many birthdays, valentine's and rainy days we  will see together..
Doesn't a few years of Patience look too less a price for that??

FYI, I m neither all too sacrificing nor too mature always! Long distance is not all WAIT for me. I have those mad days when I feel unloved and unflattered and get all teary. ( God bless that Guy S who puts up with me on my worst days!) Days when I have no patience and fight for every little thing..  I decide I had had enough of S and want to leave him but then come back to him. 
Then one of those days when I m sick and I get those calls and my sweetheart  S keeps asking, "How are you now? Did you eat?" I know that I made the right decision all along.. 

I may not get to see you as often as I like,
I may not get to hold you in my arms through the night,
But deep in my heart I truly know 
you are the one that I love 
and I can't let you go..

So you see, I m not always so angelic. Today is just one of my angel days :)


Red Handed said...

awww...ok so even i gave u the martyr luk but u expect it from everyone dont u.

But honey the luk is actually of respect from my side. I know it is sooo damn hard. I travel a lot and he works a lot and i meet him ones a mth and tht itself makes me go mad...yeh actually distance makes me fight...just like you do. But even after hundreds of fight i still go back to him coz i feel dead when i feel that he will never be around nd things are all over

U r lucky and so in love.

Mystical Skeptical Me said...

Hey Girlie, you are so right, I am not in a relationship but a friend of mine is in long one and another one has a local bf....uff, the differene! Even I get kinda sorta annoyed...I mean like DUDE! Give me a Break! :|

Anyway honey, do not mind these little annoying pricks...life's beautiful for you with the love you have! :*

M in love said...

@red Handed : admiration I welcome , sympathy I dont :D :D
distances are tough!! Like you said, when he is not around you feel dead.. that is what makes us hold on...

@Mystical Skeptical me: Thanks so much.. Trying to not get annoyed by the pricks :D :D

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