Dear God,
I m assuming you haven't forgotten me yet. While the whole world is messing me up, what are you doing up there? You give me ample signals of what is right and what is not and yet no strength to stand through it? What is it that others have but you have failed to give me? Why is it that you made me so delicate that I can't stand the people you made much more capable of handling this life. Why is it that you gave me relations that have hurt me more than love me?
I fear I will land into some dark corner where even you cannot reach me. There's too much darkness surrounding me and I might succumb to it if you don't send me some light.
A few requests I have :
Do not and I repeat DO NOT send people into my life out of nowhere and link them to my heart.
Do not give me dreams that keep me sleepless.
Block the memories that make me cry all night.
If possible make my back stronger or reduce the load on me.
Try and isolate all madly in love people and keep them away from me.
Make me thin or stop people taunting me but DO NOT let me faint!
Show me the direction or lead me through. Do not leave me in hands that ditch me midway.
Send in someone who would hold me through and STAY or make me immune to that thing called LOVE.
A battered childhood I can put behind the thick shades of material benefits, but a broken heart I cannot mend. Heal it or kill it for all I care!
I cannot focus right now on what I need to study then why in this world can I not "not focus" on what I don't want to remember?
I can wait through the years for my gift from you.. That which I thought will end my loneliness but I had no idea you had a more worse kind in store for me. If not you than who? Who could have had more control than you??
Was my faith not enough? Was my love not enough? Was my trust in you not enough? Did I not pray enough to you before everything I did? Did I not come with a heavy heart when it first broke, to you? Did I not wish the same thing for all the years? Is it not true that there's one time in the day when you listen to prayers? Have you chosen to be deaf ear to what I asked every day, every moment? Why have you abandoned me? Was my share of troubles not enough for you to favor me?
Like all things now in my life, I want proof ! If you love and care then set it alright. Forever. If you don't then maybe like everything else, my faith was also an illusion..
I m assuming you haven't forgotten me yet. While the whole world is messing me up, what are you doing up there? You give me ample signals of what is right and what is not and yet no strength to stand through it? What is it that others have but you have failed to give me? Why is it that you made me so delicate that I can't stand the people you made much more capable of handling this life. Why is it that you gave me relations that have hurt me more than love me?
I fear I will land into some dark corner where even you cannot reach me. There's too much darkness surrounding me and I might succumb to it if you don't send me some light.
A few requests I have :
Do not and I repeat DO NOT send people into my life out of nowhere and link them to my heart.
Do not give me dreams that keep me sleepless.
Block the memories that make me cry all night.
If possible make my back stronger or reduce the load on me.
Try and isolate all madly in love people and keep them away from me.
Make me thin or stop people taunting me but DO NOT let me faint!
Show me the direction or lead me through. Do not leave me in hands that ditch me midway.
Send in someone who would hold me through and STAY or make me immune to that thing called LOVE.
A battered childhood I can put behind the thick shades of material benefits, but a broken heart I cannot mend. Heal it or kill it for all I care!
I cannot focus right now on what I need to study then why in this world can I not "not focus" on what I don't want to remember?
I can wait through the years for my gift from you.. That which I thought will end my loneliness but I had no idea you had a more worse kind in store for me. If not you than who? Who could have had more control than you??
Was my faith not enough? Was my love not enough? Was my trust in you not enough? Did I not pray enough to you before everything I did? Did I not come with a heavy heart when it first broke, to you? Did I not wish the same thing for all the years? Is it not true that there's one time in the day when you listen to prayers? Have you chosen to be deaf ear to what I asked every day, every moment? Why have you abandoned me? Was my share of troubles not enough for you to favor me?
Like all things now in my life, I want proof ! If you love and care then set it alright. Forever. If you don't then maybe like everything else, my faith was also an illusion..
3 comments:
Hello Sweetheart,
Its good to see that you are back to blogging. A big hug to you, I pray things get better at the earliest for you. We all go through these phases when the walls keep falling all around taking us down with them, am in one such phase too. Nothing seems right. But then am sure we'll sail through it and come out stronger. Take care.
Che! these are nothing Darling, you are much more stronger than you think :D and let me tell you one thing donot search god else where he is with in you :D strengthen him and have faith in yourself, you will see things changing. And everything happens happens for something really good. :D So Smile and face it you are strong young lady you dont need anybody's help not even gods :D you are enough for yourself.
Be proud and take everything as challenge and you will come out of this soooon.
I can't say or write words of encouragement to you nor can I give you false hope that this is a phase and it will pass like everything has coz I'm feeling the same at the moment. Not a moment goes by when I question God why me, after all that I've done and endured why do I have to bear the brunt ?? Why my wait was never acknowledged and turned to an eternal one..am I not a believer of you or am I bad that I deserve all this.. I'm waiting for answers too and I dunno know if God will answer to me..
I always believed everything happens for good but I now m questioning this very faith of mine!
I dunno about when will I get answers if, at all I get but I do pray you get your answers and that at least your misery ends..
Take Care
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