Wednesday, 1 August 2012

A goodbye?

Dear S,
Maybe you will never read this. I m still reaching out to you in search of my S who will look within and hear me. Those beautiful moments  in which I saw you, those years I prayed for us, all those memories that surround me, would they vanish just like that? You are angry or maybe you are just you, but the wall you have built is killing me..
 I tried and I tried really hard, I swear.
 I was never sure of what to do to be close to you as soon as possible. I tried liking physics and maths to get into engineering, but within few months I knew it was a lost case. I could never spend my life writing codes or revel in my work.
I got into a course that would finish in four years. During the course I realised that I could do much better with a MBA degree to go with it. It will only add to my prospects. That's all I wish. I don't want any fancy wedding, I don't want an exotic outing. I don't want a husband to provide for all my needs while I contend myself with the kitchen work and TV. I m not cut for that. I like to have my say too. I want to give my share too. To our home. To our respective families. To our future.
Till now I have agreed to all you say. Sometimes to keep peace. Sometimes because I trust you and sometimes because I love you more than the issue at hand. This one time please listen to me.

I might appear weak and a loser to you and all those who read this. You might wonder why am I pleading with you when its my life and I can totally decide what I want to do. If the choice at hand is to lose you, its as good as being dead. Maybe I already am.

It hurts. It hurts very very much.
To see this blog and read all those loving posts which drip with the love you once gave me.
To open the mail box and see no mails or offliners from you.
To see all those books on which I scribbled poems for you.
To see random couples walking in the rains
To not being tempted to see your photos.
To listen to the radio which plays songs which remind me of you.
To pass through the places that have memories of you
To see the gift left incomplete for you..
To dial your number and erase it all day.
To wipe the tears and act like everything is ok...
To call you up and hear its switched off..

I m aching.. Just aching.. Have I been so mistaken?  Will  I never find my S back? I m waiting.. Waiting all day and all night.. Just for a text or mail or a call.. One that will say that I m missed. One that will say I m special..

S, I love you. I love you very much.. Don't do this to me.. To us.. Just think of what all  you are ruining for a temporary arrangement. Think of me..

If you can promise and convince that I will be the one, I would have gone all the way.. I m scared.. Dead scared of what lies ahead..

P.S: Readers, if there is no reply within 24 hours for this mail, consider this blog closed. Sorry to leave you all midway. If my love will leave me, I see no reason to continue.. I won't  be capable of loving or believing in  love if this goes wrong. Blessed be people. Hold on to the one you love. There are enough love stories to keep the faith alive..


Fatima said...

oh god..what happened?? hey don't do this to yourself..I know I do not have a say in any of this it's your life and more so, m a recent reader..but have faith...m sure the misunderstanding will resolve...

I don't wanna give you any damn false hope or anything coz i know how much it pains when the one you love and is your world suddenly stops corresponding its breaking and to carry forward you need to be strong...i won't say anything on d crying part..coz tears are natural and for one thing I know how this feels..its something far more than the earth shattering !

And hey as much as I've read you, i feel you shld wait for him..give him a bit of time, maybe all you guys need is time and a small break but m sure everything will sort'll b 'S n M' again... don't lose hope dear !

I just hope i din cross any boundaries will saying all this to you, esp after knwn nthing !

Take Care

Keirthana said...

Hoping and wishing for everything to be all right. All our prayers will be with you.

Khimbyrlee Eerlrybmihk said...

I feel like crying while seeing this post. I really am like you. :( Just believe that love will bring him back to. Just like my love, he was out of my world for 6 months then he came back because of the he really feel for me. Don't close this blog sis. Everything will be alright.

Ramya said...

Iyyoooo M: I wish I was around you! I dont know If I am in a position to tell you something but still I dont want you to lose hope and courage.

See if you give anything in abundance its always neglected, so is Love! you have got it abundantly from everyone around you so you are choosing to say that you will give up on love.

But dear come out of the safe, secured lovely life you have got. See around there are so many people waiting and wanting to be loved and cared. Do not confine or decide anything based on one single incident dear. Life is so beautiful so are you. Please keep hopes high everything will be fine and if its not then thats not the end... This is all I want to say!!!

sulagna ™ said...

come on Fb chat..abhi

Keirthana said...

All our prayers for you and your love. Take care.

Suruchi said...

Sweetheart, move on!
You can!
You should.

Adhi Das said...

I agree to what Ramya said..All The BEST WISHES..ya! awesome writing that touches the heart that loved deeply!GOD LOVE U

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