Only thing on my mind!!

             8 days to go! Terror starts on 1st november :( :(

             For someone who has always studied last moment since degree college started, it is taking time to dawn on me that there are ONLY 8 DAYS TO GO  and piles of notes left unread :( :(

             So I have arranged the notes in such a way that they are a constant remainder of impending doom if I don't start reading up :(

    Off I go to start my day with biochemistry.. Yes I m loving my life!!!!!! 

                                   

Its a yellow day !

           For me yellow defines happiness :)
         
           Yellow flowers would lift my spirits more than the red ones :P They say red for love and yellow for friendship. I say yellow for what makes you happy :)
           

             
         I love the bright yellow houses in the countryside although people find them funny. They have this cartoon like feel to them. You know the houses in cartoons which are so sunny and bright, but the yellow ones are so sprightly!!
        When it came to coloring my own room, I went for a shade of yellow called mango yellow with a combination of raspberry red. My mom almost scorned at the combination although Dad yielded to my color sense. The room is now my own corner of brightness and ofcourse the final effect did please everyone.
     
         Coming to what I said is a yellow day- Its that day of the navratri when the whole city is dressed in yellow. Yes there is a color for every day of the nine days which is followed according to the color of the sari the goddess is dressed. Its a fun concept wherein most of the people choose to follow the color and its almost as if we are all "one".

        So everything in life is pretty much the same.
        Long hours at college, the crowded trains, the serpentine lines at the bus stop, the even more crowded and sweaty bus ride, the walk back home, the piled up work..... :/
       
       The lectures are little late in the day today..
       So I have had a good 9 hours of sleep
       Enjoyed a slow breakfast without worrying about missing the train,
       Studied a chapter ( Yaaay I m feeling great about it!!)
      Blogged in the morning ( That's a rarity)
     
       Now all set to ready up my yellow top and have a leisurely bath and set out to  catch a almost empty noon train :D :D   Yes, its a yellow day for me :D        

                                                 
P.S : If you are not feeling happy and its not a yellow day for you, here's something which will make you appreciate what you have..

The child of the woman selling clips on train.. 

                                                The shadowy figure on the extreme right is the mother..
                                               The child is acting asleep while the mother was trying to tickle her with a clip
                                              It was so touching and beautiful to see.. I guess all mother child relations are..                              Here's happiness that's created out of nothing! 

And then there came a wish so true..

              Over the last few posts, I have been trying to revive the blog from its comatose state. The reason I refrained from writing has always been that I don't like my negativity rubbing on here but I couldn't help it. When you wear dark glasses, you see darker and you cannot blame your sight for it. Things went from bad to worse and yes I have been driven to the edge so much that I questioned the Almighty about his existence in the last post. I asked him to give answers and prove himself. 
             That night, as I was typing away furiously with eyes blurred by tears, little did I know that my questions would be answered so soon. 
              In that post I had a few requests,

Do not and I repeat DO NOT send people into my life out of nowhere and link them to my heart

The next morning was no better. S and I were cold again and I told him that I won't come back because he hasn't asked me to stay. We are not in a relationship. He hanged up due to some work. He called me up twice after that but I did not see his call. 
In the evening he called again. My mood was not at all chirpy when he asked me "Guess karo me kaha hu". 
"Me kaise guess karu tum kaha ho?" In my mind I was mouthing- I m still pissed off with you. Do something about it!
"Mumbai aane wali bus me"
For the first few minutes I thought he was fooling me and did not show any happiness. It dawned on me much later that he really was coming to my city. 

So my dear God had already sent someone into my life! 

Do not give me dreams that will keep me sleepless.

The news of him coming caught me unaware. Beauty parlor, the clothes, the excuses, the hangouts, what to talk, what to clear, what to do.. everything kept me awake and when I slept, dreams of something going wrong startled me.

Block the memories that make me cry all night
The memories of the past came flooding by. I kept mentally revising what all had gone wrong. What all I should have thought about. So many happy memories of US..

                                   

If possible make my back stronger or reduce the load on me.
I had kept complaining on how my health was deteriorating and my stress increasing. I didn't know it then that the same excuse will help me miss classes for the  next 2 days!

Try and isolate all madly in love people and keep me away from them
These very people who irritated the life of me, helped me with the excuses ;) Yes I love them!

Make me thin or stop people taunting me but do not let me faint.
"I think you have put on weight" S said as he stared at me. Atleast I m not fainting :P Thank God for that! And somehow it sounds less offensive than "You look sick.. I think you have lost weight too due to ill health" 


Show me the direction or lead me through. Do not leave me in hands that ditch me midway.
Send in someone who would hold me through and STAY or make me immune to that thing called LOVE.

I walked with the man who leads me through when I m without spectacles. 
The man who doesn't leave my hand and holds  it tighter in crowd. 
Who holds me and tells me "You will be fine, just jump down." while I m saying "No I will fall!!" 
The man who promises to stay when I ask him not to leave me... 

                                      
IT just feels great to be loved the way you love someone,
To be missed as much as you have missed someone,
To be wanted as badly as you want someone,
To be told the above in the most direct ways,
with a little cheek pulling :P 
                                         

Thank you God for all the answers and I did get some of it from OH MY GOD :D Yes, this just couldn't have been a coincidence :D 
As for the last bit about focus on studies, I shouldn't push my luck too hard, should I? ;) 

I did not think I would ever write this S, but..

61.. I love it when you play with my hair!

62.  I love it the way you giggle when I tickle you.

63.  I love the way you say you are scared :) How I love to hold you when  you say that!

64. I love your boyish laughter in the movie.. I could just keep watching you!

65. I love the way you accept my ideas however crazy they are :D :D 

66. I love how you never miss an opportunity to take me into your arms 

67. I love the look you gave when I told you I will leave you stranded and won't return. That reprimanded kid look you gave made me want to come back to you :D :D 

68. I love the way you are so smart dealing with people :P 

69. I love the way you said you want me. No words but a nod ;) 

70. I love that from "We are not in a relationship" in the auto,  "We are in a relationship"  while getting out of auto happened! 

                    

Dear God..

Dear God,
I m assuming you haven't forgotten me yet. While the whole world is messing me up, what are you doing up there? You give me ample signals of what is right and what is not and yet no strength to stand through it? What is it that others have but you have failed to give me? Why is it that you made me so delicate that I can't stand the people you made much more capable of handling this life. Why is it that you gave me relations that have hurt me more than love me?
I fear I will land into some dark corner where even you cannot reach me. There's too much darkness surrounding me and I might succumb to it if you don't send me some light.
A few requests I have :
Do not and I repeat DO NOT send people into my life out of nowhere and link them to my heart.
Do not give me dreams that keep me sleepless.
Block the memories that make me cry all night.
If possible make my back stronger or reduce the load on me.
Try and isolate all madly in love people and keep them away from me.
Make me thin or stop people taunting me but DO NOT let me faint!
Show me the direction or lead me through. Do not leave me in hands that ditch me midway.
Send in someone who would hold me through and STAY or make me immune to that thing called LOVE.
A battered childhood I can put behind the thick shades of material benefits, but a broken heart I cannot mend. Heal it or kill it for all I care!
I cannot focus right now on what I need to study then why in this world can I not "not focus" on what I don't want to remember?
I can wait through the years for my gift from you.. That which I thought will end my loneliness but I had no idea you had a more worse kind in store for me. If not you than who? Who could have had more control than  you??
Was my faith not enough? Was my love not enough? Was my trust in you not enough? Did I not pray enough to you before everything I did? Did I not come with a heavy heart when it first broke, to you? Did I not wish the same thing for all the years? Is it not true that there's one time in the day when you listen to prayers? Have you chosen to be deaf ear to what I asked every day, every moment? Why have you abandoned me? Was my share of troubles not enough for you to favor me?

Like all things now in my life, I want proof ! If you love and care then set it alright. Forever. If you don't then maybe like everything else, my faith was also an illusion..

Sniff.. sniff.. and sneeeze

 That's all I have been doing last two days..


  Hot water steam, tumblers of water and a couple of crocins, liberal use of vicks vaporub, strips of strepsils later, the temperature went down but the cold and the weakness remained. Sigh! Is there no cure for cold? Seriously??
 Morning visit to the clinic turned into an afternoon entry into doc's cabin. My regular doc was off on a vacation and the bachpan ka doc had a serpentine queue of people and I happened to be 65th of those people! A shot and a dose of 5 tablets later, I finally feel alive enough to eat and not feel like I swallowed mud.
Struggling to write the journals today :( Practical exams tomorrow. God save me for you alone know I have read nothing!
How I crave for a chicken soup :( I hate it when I have cold and can't get my comforting soup because of the mouth ulcers :( :(