There is a ritual that I and S diligently follow: Never to leave each other without a goodbye hug and kiss.
Back in December 2014, when I moved to Bangalore, I did not know a single soul here apart from S. The very next day after we came to Bangalore, S left for work leaving me all alone at home. I clung to him for a long time before he left and he gently kissed me goodbye. It was then that we set this ritual into motion.
A lot has changed in the years that followed. But each morning when I leave for work, I hug S like its going to be the last time. In the evening when he rings the bell, I get the door and jump at him, relieved at uniting again. It might seem like a paranoia, but for me each goodbye is a last goodbye.
On days when I am cross with S and leave without hugging him, I feel anxious the whole day. I call it the Molly syndrome (Harry Potter fans!!); what if the words I said and the way I reacted were the last ones! Its a deeply rooted fear. When I was a kid and threw tantrums before mom left for work, she would often tell me "Life is uncertain. Anything can happen anytime. Imagine if I go to office in this tension and a train runs over me. Or there is a blast and I die in it. Do you want this to be the last thing you said to me?" Yea, my mom is a master manipulator!
It has stayed with me. Perhaps helped me see things in a different perspective when I am overwhelmed with anger. You can fight, scream or sulk the whole day at home. But when someone leaves home, make sure you hug them tight and say goodbye with a smile. After all, no one knows which one is the last goodbye! And you can never hug a memory..
P.S: @littlethingsinloveblog is now on instagram. Follow me there for tidbits about our life and little things in love :)
Back in December 2014, when I moved to Bangalore, I did not know a single soul here apart from S. The very next day after we came to Bangalore, S left for work leaving me all alone at home. I clung to him for a long time before he left and he gently kissed me goodbye. It was then that we set this ritual into motion.
A lot has changed in the years that followed. But each morning when I leave for work, I hug S like its going to be the last time. In the evening when he rings the bell, I get the door and jump at him, relieved at uniting again. It might seem like a paranoia, but for me each goodbye is a last goodbye.
On days when I am cross with S and leave without hugging him, I feel anxious the whole day. I call it the Molly syndrome (Harry Potter fans!!); what if the words I said and the way I reacted were the last ones! Its a deeply rooted fear. When I was a kid and threw tantrums before mom left for work, she would often tell me "Life is uncertain. Anything can happen anytime. Imagine if I go to office in this tension and a train runs over me. Or there is a blast and I die in it. Do you want this to be the last thing you said to me?" Yea, my mom is a master manipulator!
It has stayed with me. Perhaps helped me see things in a different perspective when I am overwhelmed with anger. You can fight, scream or sulk the whole day at home. But when someone leaves home, make sure you hug them tight and say goodbye with a smile. After all, no one knows which one is the last goodbye! And you can never hug a memory..
5 comments:
Rituals are best when they just form without deciding on them :) Cherishing what you have while you have it is the best possible way of living once life.
Hugs for you both :)
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