The Last Goodbye

               There is a ritual that I and S diligently follow: Never to leave each other without a goodbye hug and kiss.

               Back in December 2014, when I moved to Bangalore, I did not know a single soul here apart from S. The very next day after we came to Bangalore, S left for work leaving me all alone at home. I clung to him for a long time before he left and he gently kissed me goodbye. It was then that we set this ritual into motion.
 
              A lot has changed in the years that followed. But each morning when I leave for work, I hug S like its going to be the last time. In the evening when he rings the bell, I get the door and jump at him, relieved at uniting again. It might seem like a paranoia, but for me each goodbye is a last goodbye.

             On days when I am cross with S and leave without hugging him, I feel anxious the whole day. I call it the Molly syndrome (Harry Potter fans!!); what if the words I said and the way I reacted were the last ones! Its a deeply rooted fear. When I was a kid and threw tantrums before mom left for work, she would often tell me "Life is uncertain. Anything can happen anytime. Imagine if  I go to office in this tension and a train runs over me. Or there is a blast and I die in it. Do you want this to be the last thing you said to me?" Yea, my mom is a master manipulator!

            It has stayed with me. Perhaps helped me see things in a different perspective when I am overwhelmed with anger. You can fight, scream or sulk the whole day at home. But when someone leaves home, make sure you hug them tight and say goodbye with a smile. After all, no one knows which one is the last goodbye! And you can never hug a memory..

                                         

P.S: @littlethingsinloveblog is now on instagram. Follow me there for tidbits about our life and little things in love :)

                                                         

A precious gift

AUG 25, 2017

We were in Mangalore for Ganesh Chaturthi. This was the first time I was at my in-laws for this festival.For the 2 years of marriage, I had celebrated the festival exactly like how I used to celebrate in Mumbai (Read post here).

The festival was celebrated quite differently in S's family. Their's is a huge family which once lived together. During festivals, there are more than 40 people in the house and other relatives included, the crowd could go upto 100. Yes, real numbers. So the entire family got together. The women cooked, the men set about to decorate the tulsi (holy basil) plant. I, as usual, watched. What they cook and how they cook for festivities is very different and I am scared that I might ruin something. So apart from lending a hand for very basic stuff, I stay away. 

I was talking to younger relatives of S when one of them showed me his new phone. One plus 5. I totally loved the camera quality. He went about clicking photos of all of us. S and some of his cousins were busy working with sugarcane sticks. One of his cousins remarked to S, "You might have to buy her a new phone!"

All of them laughed.

"Will give" S said calmly, smiling.

Although I knew he did not mean it back then, I was happy. 

It was mutual understanding that I would never get a 33 K worth phone because I was not worthy of one. I have a history of breaking my phones (accidentally dropping) and I feel guilty and tensed if the phone is anything above 15 K. 

So I forgot all about the phone.

SEP-2017

My Redmi phone wouldn't charge. No matter what I tried, it didn't. S gave it for repair but the phone was still charging very slowly. He told me look online for another one. I asked him, "How about One plus 5?"

He replied that there was no chance I would get that.

While my phone continued having issues, I was using an older phone of mine. I had almost uninstalled all the apps from that phone and was having a tough time dealing with that phone. I started looking for new phones.

I worked that Saturday for business reasons and was very irritated. I just wanted to go somewhere out. 

Saturday night I asked S if we could go out the next day. He said, "No, someone might come".

I was so pissed off I might have bit him if I could.

"I am so exhausted this week and who have you invited!" I yelled angrily and went to bed.

He came beside  me and said, "I did not want to tell you this, but if we go out tomorrow, your phone might not be delivered."

"Which phone" I asked.

He showed me the message. It was OnePlus 5!!!!! Yeaaaaay!!  The unimaginable! I hugged him tight. I beamed happily.

S had purchased the phone in Amazon's exchange offer. He had put up his old phone for exchange and opted for an installment plan. Back then, we had a few financial commitments so this offer was great!

Sunday evening, the much awaited delivery boy came. When S gave his old phone for return, it turned out he had by mistake written the model name wrong. It was just an alphabet that was wrong but the entire model changed based on that! Even though the offer remained the same, he couldn't do the delivery unless the correct name was placed on the order. He couldn't cancel the order and place a new one and receive this order instead. A new order would be processed separately. So the delivery guy went without delivering the phone. 

I was disappointed. But, S was heartbroken.

He went to our room and lied face down. I swear, I hadn't felt so much love for him till that point. Not even for a minute did I think of that phone, the greatest gift I could have was right in front of me. I tried to console him but he was still feeling bad about me not getting the phone that day because I had been happy and smiling all day thinking of it. How stupid of him! I was happy and smiling all day thinking of him, surprising me with the phone!

Finally when he had sulked enough, we placed the order again and this time exchanged my old phone. We got better price and better offer! 

Even though September was birthday month of S, I ended up getting very precious gift. No, it was not just the phone.

3 years and some months later

19-APR-2018

There is a reason to add the date for this post (I will come to that later).

It was just another day of our routine lives. Except for the fact that we were having a hard week.

The previous day, I woke up with pain in my left arm. It was a dull ache that started somewhere at the base of my neck, then shifted to my collar bones and I could feel the pain in bursts all over my arm. THIS WAS THE LEFT ARM. For the uninitiated, it signifies a heart problem. So I did the most expected thing to do, I went to the kitchen and got my meals ready (yea I am into the small meals thing) for the day and put on the geyser. The show must go on.

I told S while I was getting ready that I might end up in a heart attack. Knowing my tendency to over exaggerate my condition, he did not reply to it. I was expecting a comeback when I saw that he was really not well. He was having slight fever and what looked like beginning of a bad cold. I was all set to take the day off but the workaholic S was going to go to office! There was no way I can convince him not to (3 years experience). He asked me to rest if the pain was bad but I thought I rather go to work and he dropped me to my cab pick-up point (because I was again running late).

I managed the day with unease when I could  have simply called in sick. That evening I got home later than usual due to traffic. I messaged S to get something on the way for dinner. We had an early dinner and went to sleep without much talk.

At 2.30 am I woke up with a cry. I had lifted my hand in sleep and had a sharp pain originating from the shoulder blades. I woke up S and he calmed me down, applying moov to the area (ad films for moov have real life examples). He again asked me to not go, but the next day I had important meetings where I had quite a few points to discuss.

On 20th morning, S dropped me to my cab point worriedly. Through the day the pain was still there. S kept messaging me asking me the situation. After completing the meetings and getting some of my regular job done, I finally left for home.

In the cab, I got a video call from S. Very unusual. I thought he dialled by mistake and disconnected it. He then made a voice call. 

"What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing, I was listening to something and it reminded me of you" he said.

"What?"

"Listen no"

In the background there was some music. Then it got louder

"Ban ja tu meri rani

Tenu mahal dawa dunga
Ban meri mehbooba
Main tenu Taj pawa dunga"

I was blushing uncontrollably. The same kind of blush that I always got when he called me during our long distance relationship.

3 years and some months after marriage, this man still makes me blush like an idiot while others in the cab wonder what's up with me.

When I got down from the cab that evening, he was at my drop point to pick me. Miraculously, the pain was no more there.

Coming back to why I started the post with the date. I believe that moments like yesterday are a gift that must be cherished. But, we do not always remember those beautiful moments and end up being bitter about what we are dealing with in the present. This is my way of keeping those moments alive, long after they have ceased to be. I want to go back and relive this feeling. Like I always do with the old posts on this blog or on Instagram. It reminded me of why I had created this blog in the first place. 

In the past I have made promises of coming back to writing here. But, this time I have a purpose. As long as life blesses me with memories, I shall keep them alive here.

P.S: I had a few comments on the last post. I am quite amazed that this blog is still being read by you all. Thank you for the love. I am truly blessed.

P.P.S: Even though the pain is gone, I had a terrible headache and fever today morning. I really needed to take it slow and took a sick leave today. Much better now!

2 years later

              Its been a long, long time. More than 2 years after the last post!

Before I start my new journey on this blog, just a gist of what happened in last 2 years.

1. I got a job in March, 2015.

2. I worked hard and long hours to prove myself in my new company.

3. Me and S did some amazing road trips to places nearby.

4. I became dependent on Ola and Uber to travel in this city!

5. Functions, functions and more family functions happened.

6. I flew to Mumbai more frequently in the first year. I haven't been to Mumbai in 8 months now! Terribly missing!

7. Good news in my life meant only one thing. No, that hasn't happened yet.

8. We completed our first anniversary!

9. We travelled some more.

10. We shifted to another rented place.

11. We bought our own house!

12. We completed 2 years. Now the suspense is building for the good news.

13. We moved into our new house this year.

14. I completely ruined my 25 birthday. Yea, the grand one which didn't happen.

15. I looked for a job change and immediately landed one.

So here I am. Sitting with a laptop on my recliner sofa (more on this one in another post) and wondering how far I have come. I missed writing here and shamefully even forgot the password to this account. Finally managed to unlock this account!

In another news, my post "How to punish your boyfriend" seems to have more than normal following. I received mails from people asking me to custom design their punishment :D :D Thankfully, I was away and I hope their other halves did not have to endure any torture in absence of my advice!

Right now, it seems like the perfect moment to restart the blog. To put down all the beautiful things that I experienced in the last two years, of bittersweet realizations and some breath-taking photos! 

Happily Married

                   Yes, we are now Mr and Mrs! It's quite unbelievable to think that we started this year with doubts and apprehensions about our relation and we are about to end it as husband and wife. It has been a remarkable year!

                   How does it feel to be Mrs? I keep getting asked. I cannot explain it in words. Suddenly, I am doing chores I had no idea about. I am cooking stuff I had never paid attention to. I am making lists of household stuff to buy. The list is never ending.

                   I felt overwhelmed the first few days. I do not speak the local language, I am at loss for directions and I do not know to handle a house. It has been exhausting been a Mrs.

                  I stand near the kitchen stove, warming myself before the flame, my feet all cold in the winter, the chilled wind making me shiver. S stands behind me, hovering all the time, pouring the tea or getting the plates ready. On days when we finish the breakfast early and he is ready for work but has some minutes to spare, he cuddles with me until its the right time to go.

                 I surf through the net for the best recipe to use for lunch. I get going to get everything done. All by myself, I try to experiment all that I have seen mom do through the years. One afternoon, I managed to burn my hand while using the pressure cooker. I ran to get the tube of toothpaste before my skin got blistered. I rubbed it in and stretched my hand in the freezer. Messaging S with the one hand, I cleared the mess with the other. Lunch time S rushed in with a tube of burnol, worried about the injury, gently applying it on my burn. In moments like those, I feel its all worth the pain.

                On most evenings, we drive by to get the grocery. On days I am too tired with all the work, he helps me clean the dishes. On Saturday nights, we drink to get me high and S marvels at my capacity to just drink and sleep. I do not get high. I just sleep.

                Some days I roll out an extra special meal and wait for him to taste. I am delighted when he tells me that it turned out good. At home, Dad and bro almost liked anything I cooked. But with S, I always wait for the response.

               S is been working hard. We haven't had time to go exploring the city. Nor have we taken a holiday post wedding. Nothing out of the ordinary yet!   After an ordinary day, on a cold winter night, I am all warm beside S, snuggling close and feeling blessed. Yes, happily married indeed!

                                             

2014 you have been generous. Looking forward to a brighter 2015! 

Pre-wedding :D

                   I had been waiting for November to come.  This is our last month as singles. As the days are passing by, the feeling is unsettling. The initial excitement is giving way to nervousness. Go with the flow, I often have myself thinking. Yet, at times I feel over whelmed with the changes that are to come. I have no idea what waits ahead. I am without a plan and the control freak in me getting paranoid. Ofcourse I have a plan. Only it is not sketched to the last details.

                    Months in advance, I had booked for our prewedding shoot. I wanted it all decided before hand. The first time I saw a fellow blogger do it, I wanted one! Oh, I love captured moments and more so the candid ones. Dressing up and being the perfect couple in love just like in the movies was exciting. S did not have the same opinion. He proposed the idea of a post wedding shoot. Although post wedding shoots do have that charm, it is more about arranged marriages and the post nuptial glow. I wanted our dating days captured. After a lot of deliberations, we chose the photographers for our pre-wedding shoot.

                     The location had to the place where we went every single time. National Park. Those who have been reading my posts know about our Kanheri trek. We chose Kanheri caves as the location. I have been counting days ever since.

                     S flew down a day before the shoot. We spent the day shopping for him and going around. Next day, early morning we left for the shoot. The slight chill in the air added to the feel. When we reached the gate along with the photographers, it was closed. No entry to vehicles till 7.30! We had no idea about this and had about an hour to kill.

                     We shot pictures on the road, walking about, sitting in the auto. It was actually fun. It gave us time to understand what was needed. Once we were inside the park, it was a field day. We covered quite a lot of places.  All in all, it was an experience worth the effort and money. Maybe I should write about tips to do the prewedding :P

                     Anyway, here's a shot from the day.

                     

                    Less than a month left to go!

Of wedding and shopping!

             Since the last post about our wedding announcement, life has changed by leaps and bounds. S and I were amused and unprepared for the ease with which our relation was accepted and the speed with which our marriage preparations were set in motion. It seemed like we were dreaming, for a long time. With our wedding being 3 months away, the reality is finally sinking. We are going to be man and wife on 7th of December, 2014 at 11.23 am!

             When it was decided that our parents would meet on 31st March, little did I know what that day had in store. I met his family in a temple. Later, they asked everyone to talk about it at length at their home. I wasn't allowed to be present as girl isn't supposed to go to the guy's house before marriage. It pissed me off big time. I was sent off to an engagement where some of my relatives were present. I waited in anticipation and anxiety. When my parents came to pick me up, Dad told me that the wedding is fixed for 7th of December. I was speechless! I was annoyed at S for not being with me and overwhelmed by the proximity of the wedding. I was taken over by mixed feelings. Scared, happy, annoyed, tensed. The next whole week wasn't easy on S and me. We had our arguments, endless chats and his constant assurance that everything would be fine.

            I was a little taken aback by the kind of approach his family had. Joint families, unbending traditions, lack of independent decisions. I have grown up in a nuclear family and have been used to making my own choice and standing by it. Moreover, a lot of emphasis on individual preference was given in my house. I wondered if I would fit in with a family that made collective choices. Would they like me? Would they find me arrogant and selfish? Would I feel myself if I tried to please them? It was a battle of individuality for me. I place my individuality on a high pedestal. I am immensely guarded about my planning and hate it if I lose control. It took a lot of convincing from S that he wouldn't make me do anything I don't want to. That family expectations won't weigh on me once we are in Bangalore. It would be just S and me.

          S came to meet me in July. It was a secret date. I wasn't still comfortable with the idea of telling at home that I am going with S. He surprised me with a fashion jewellery set. Just the day before our date, Mom and I had gone shopping. There she set eyes on a similar kind of jewellery and bought it for me. When I saw the gift that S got me, I couldn't help thinking about the similarity in their selection!
         If there is someone I trust blindly when it comes to shopping, it is my Mom. I need her with me to tell me if it would be good for me. I make foolish choices when I shop alone or with others. The only exception is S. If I have no choice but to shop without Mom, I constantly click pictures and ask S for his opinion even if I have friends waiting outside the dressing room! He is always ready to help me with shopping and that is one thing that I absolutely adore about him. He doesn't just accompany me to the shop and wait outside but actively participates in what I am buying. For a person who is as confused as I m while shopping, it has to be a big plus in the man I am going to marry.
        For past one month, weekends are dedicated to shopping. There is a never ending list of things to buy. I wonder how I am going to take it all!

       September end I will be going to Mangalore again. My cousin sister is getting married. S and I are going to shop for the bridal saree and jewellery along with our families. I am excited and can't wait for September 24 to come.

       Today I packed my first bag. Yes, it was tough. The freshly dry cleaned festive clothes were lying around for a long time. Mom had told me to pack them in the bag and arrange all the stuff that I shop every week. I have been delaying it. As the 4 anarkali suits and one sari was neatly placed in the bag, I felt a heaviness that I haven't experienced before. 3 months are all I have in this house, this city.. At evening, when I went to the Ganesh pandal, I had goosebumps on seeing the large idol. There is a long association of 22 years. When I was barely a year old, the Ganesh idol would be placed right behind our house. In the coming years, it shifted to the large ground. Today as I had  eyeful of the elephant God, I was teary. Why are good byes so difficult? Would I ever get to see my beloved idol again? It is a stupid question to ask because God is where faith is. But do the bonds of memories untangle so easily?

     
       

To Grandma, with love

              It is no news that I m a foodie. The sight of food makes me happy. Hot fried chicken, the layered and spicy dum biryani, mouth-watering chicken tandoori, the gooey dark chocolate cake, the list of my cravings is endless. But if I had to name my favorite, it would  be my grandma's cooking. Nothing in the world compares to her cooking.

              Nani has only one goal in life- To feed everyone. You can never go empty-stomach from her house. Eating is my passion and serving is hers. Having spent my childhood with her, I have relished her cooking. If there is food I dream of, it is her delicacies!

             I miss dal made by her. It was an everyday treat. The hot simmering of mustard, the aroma of curry leaves, the sound of her pouring the dal to the masala would make my stomach grumble. The tomatoes, the chillies, the salt, everything in the dal make a delightful flavor that arouses the taste buds. Hot dal garnished with coriander and white rice were what I lived on.
             When I was a kid, my parents had taken me to Mangalore for holidays. The boiled rice and curry were unknown to me. I despised them. I longed to go back to Nani. I starved myself and ate only bananas. The moment I came back, I rushed to Nani and told her I want dal rice made by her. After days I had eaten a proper meal!

            I miss the Sundays when she would make soft, fluffy idlis and crisp dosas and spicy green coconut chutney. Sunday mornings, she would send it through grandpa and I would wake up the treat of idlis and dosas.
           
           Rainy evenings, she would set to make onion and potato pakoras. She would sometimes make sweet potato pakoras too. The fried, warmth of the pakoras which ginger tea would be a perfect combo with the chill in the air.

          The savory mutton curry that she made on rare occasions makes me drool every time I think of it. The rich red colour of the curry  would have me salivating. The small cut, fresh tender meat would be cooked to perfection and the zesty curry would be heaven for my gastric pleasures. She would call me everytime she made mutton curry and I would dunk fresh bread in the curry and enjoy my meal.

         I miss the fresh lime juice that she would make for me. The salty and sweet fluid would tingle my senses and  make me want more of it. She always made it in excess for me. Some evenings she would make beetroot halwa. The sweet dish was a rarity because she had a belief that sweet caused stomach ache. Her halwa was to die for! Lavish gajar halwa would be made only in winter. Lot of ghee, khoya would make it deliciously fattening and filling. The orange colored halwa with dry fruits in it would be enticing!

        Ever since grandma moved to Mangalore, my indulgences have been limited to the visits there. Age has also made grandma slower and less active to cook like before. I miss her food. I miss her.

        Grandma always paid attention to how she served the food. No broken idli or torn dosa would make it to the plate. She gave importance to the crockery used and made food look even more appetizing. Perhaps only the best of the crockery can give her cooking an even more beautiful look. A look at BOROSIL variety was all I needed to be reminded of Grandma's cooking. How she would love to serve in those beautiful dishes and bowls!
       Next time I visit, I m taking some of those crockery to her. To Grandma, with love.

This post is written for My beautiful food contest held by Indiblogger and Borosil

Hooked and Booked

           

                                 
               
               The past week has been too stressful for me and S. After much deliberation and planning and untoward incidents that hindered the plan, I could finally accompany my family to our hometown.

               On 31st March our families met and our marriage is fixed for the 7th of December :)

              Although I feel like screaming it out to the whole world, I have to wait a little longer to do that.

              The feeling is yet to sink in and words are few.

              Until Later
              M 

A step ahead in love..

              The last post feels like ages back. The days are passing in a blink and I m at loss for time. There is just so much that I want to put into words but the thoughts scatter into a multiple paths.
              Last month, I turned 22. This year, I had decided to spend my birthday with my family. The day was spent at college and frankly wasn't too good with the result being declared the same day and I getting less than what I had hoped for. However I dumped the mess at college and returned home. I cut the birthday cake with only my family around. Later we all went to a temple and then for dinner. It was different. Last few years, I have been going out with my friends for dinner without even thinking that I missed out my family from the celebration. The cake was all they got. They never stopped me from going out, knowing that it was the age where spending time with friends is important. I took so much for granted. This birthday, which might be the last one at home, I realized how much I missed the simplicity of being with family.

               S was working over time to make the trip happen. Finally on the 26th of Jan, S met my family. I was really nervous that morning when I was waiting for S near my house. Accompanying him, I entered into the compound where Papa was talking to neighbors. S flashed a smile to him and I freezed ! The next few minutes were tense in the house. We waited for  Papa to come home while Mom was busy with sorting idlis for S ( She wanted to put out only the perfect round ones :P)

             I was made to serve idli sambar to S and then I sat next to him as he ate and Mom and Papa just made small talks. Once tea was served, began the grilling :P We had anticipated a lot of questions and prepared for it but to our surprise I didn't even have to open my  mouth !

            Mom began to list out my shortcomings. It was never ending list. Papa came to my defense, highlighting that I wasn't such a bad girl :P Mom thought it was her duty to warn S of the dangers of marrying me! At one point, S actually told her that I wasn't so bad and I don't cause him much trouble :P I m sure he had my parents at that.

          The talks became easy and relaxed and my parents found it smooth to converse with S. We were both sent to a temple and we came back rushing after the darshan. I and S had lunch at home and then we were allowed to go to mall. S left later that evening. The meeting was a success.

         Since that day, the talks are on about marriage and all the planning :O Next step is our parents meeting each other and I hope it all goes well.

        In another news, I hope this is our last valentine away from each other. I can't believe we had 7 valentine days away from each other. A journey of 7 years!!
        S really surprised me last night. I kind of had the hint that he could call but not what he had in store :) IT was a beautiful start to 2014, a very special birthday and a very romantic Valentine :)

                                   

A year of Changes

             The first week of the new year is not yet done, so technically I m not really late :P Wish you all a very happy 2014!
             
             What did you guys to welcome the new year? Facebook is still flooded with photographs of the New Year vacations and parties. As for me, I slept in 2013 and woke up in 2014 :P
             I have never been big on New year parties. It is what I do the rest of the year that counts right? I have spent all my new year with family. We used to order food from outside earlier as waiting for tables in over crowded restaurants did not really appeal to any of us. In the recent years we have stopped doing that. My brother's birthday is just a day before so all the celebrations happen that day. 31st is usually lazing at home, watching award shows, having a quite home made dinner and sleeping.

             S was in Delhi for work this year. We kept chatting on watsapp till 11 pm and I didn't know when I slept. When I woke up, it was 5 am already and S had called at 12, sent messages and then finally gone to sleep. I called him up and picked up drowsily, talking to me like the first time I called him on a New Year. It felt like we were back there. A journey of 8 years that passed since that New year!

            This year is going to be a year of changes for most people I know. Many friends will start working, many will be going abroad for higher education, many friends are getting settled, cousins are on a look out for a life partner and I will be starting on an exciting ride.

             My parents now know about S and me. S would come down this month mostly to meet them. I m keeping my fingers crossed. So thrilled and so nervous about the new turn in my love story. Dad agreeing was a total surprise. I had expected him to be mad at me, discuss a lot and then maybe come around but his instant approval came as a huge surprise! S and I were so so happy that day and now I can't wait for S to officially meet the family!
     
             Hoping that 2014 becomes the best year of my life :)

            

Perfect day :D

              I must be God's favorite :D I can't thank my stars enough for the perfect day I was blessed with.

            On Saturday S was here. He finished off his work and by 4 he was on this side of the city. I reached early ( rare event!) and waited near the bridge. I fixed my eyes on the stairs. He had told he will be there in 15 minutes and at the 16th minute (yes I was watching the time on my phone :P) I saw him rushing down the stairs..He was wearing formals and jumped the steps eagerly

            'Araam se, bhaagi nahi ja rahi hu me!' I teased him, my heart still thumping with all that adrenaline in my system.
            We took an auto to our usual destination. He stuffed the phone charger and room keys in my purse and started animatedly describing the journey. All the while I restrained myself from hugging him :D
            The only movie that we could manage was The Lone Rider and it was a good one hour before it commenced. We snacked around in Mc Donalds, planning the next day and making his reservation. Next came the shopping. It was around 6 when we were done and headed to the movie.

            The next two hours we sat in silence, whispering 'I love you" and laughing about the queer way in which the kids next to our seat behaved. It had been really long since we actually enjoyed a movie (Last being Oh my God which had me in splits)
            We decided the time to meet on Sunday and parted after the movie got over.
             I had quite a few things on my mind. Sleep eluded me well past midnight. I was excited like a kid before picnic and it was an apt simile. I tried to catch some sleep so that I didn't end up looking like a panda the next day. I woke up at 1.30 am :P The same thing happened every other hour. Finally I gave up at 4.30 and stayed awake on bed till it was 5.30. My eyes were red due to the lack of sleep but my mind was on alert.

             I had packed my bag on Saturday morning to avoid any suspicious activity that raised the alarm bells at home. With that part taken care of, I got other preparations rolling. Breakfast, bath, dressing up... I had it all planned in my mind already. I set about with the tasks, smiling and singing to myself.

            Dressed in formals (which covered the top I was wearing inside), the red neckpiece S bought me the day before, hair made up like any other day, I started with the only thing that would decide my readying time..lenses!! The sleep deprived eyes didn't help either. After toiling for more than 15 minutes (including cleaning them like an OCD, flushing the eyes with water and then bawling like an idiot) I stepped out without falling to much interrogation at home. Step 1 completed.

              Twice in 24 hours, I was early. We had mutually decided to be at the station by 7.30 and I reached a good 20 minutes before time. S hurried to meet me. There we were! Two of a kind. He had been awake since 3.30 am :P

             After S  had his breakfast, we went to the National Park. It was swarming with vehicles. A serpentine line for tickets was building up. Sunday ,coupled with the soft spells of rain, made it a great day to trek or have family picnics. We took our tickets and waited for the van or bus to take us to our destination. Finally we got a van that took us to the Kanheri caves. We were brimming with the thrill and expectations !
            I changed into a pair of track pants and took off the formal shirt. Wearing a tank top with a three fourth was a first time. S looked at me adoringly.
            "Do I look weird?"
            "No! You are looking nice.. Pataka!"

            After some photography and looking around, we started the climb. We did not wish to venture deep into the range because of the heavy bag S carried and it was risky on two accounts. First was the clumsy me who can slip on flat surfaces. Second was the risk of lecherous groups which were notorious at such places. The place was a beauty. With the water falls active this time of the month, the scenic place was all the more a sight to see! There were a large number of caves ( I forgot the exact numbers) but we explored only a few. With our rendezvous and the nonsense stories we made about the life of people who actually lived in such caves, I think we set some of them  rolling in their graves.

            The descent back was a treacherous one (for those who are aware of my extraordinary balance skills, this is no news!). I took each step holding his hands and S walked behind me to hold me if I slipped. He kept giggling every time I miscalculated my step and he pulled me up from falling and shouted when I acted reckless.
            Back at the base, we changed again and coincidently got the same van which we came in. I wanted to take the mini train ride with S next. We halted at that station inside the park and embarked on a 20 minute ride across the park. IT was worth every minute. Right from the herd of deer we saw, the monkeys on the way and the sparkling water that flowed!
           
            It was only close to noon when we came out. Exerted and happy!
            After lunch, we went for the movie Lootera. Soft, calming, soothing and old school.. Just like our love story :) S enjoyed teasing me that Sonakshi behaved just like me :P Freaking resemblance to me it was :P
            There was this scene were Ranvir asks for Sonakshi's hand.
            "Pen hai pen?" S asked me between the scene.
            "Kyun??" I took him seriously, thinking that he must have remembered something.
            'Likhna hai lines, tumhare papa ko bolne" 

Contrary to myself, I went "Awwwww" in that moment!!

            I loved the movie. It had a calming pace which is a rare thing. Not for the restless ones though.

            We stood at the bus stand, chattering and waiting for the bus to arrive. With time, I have become used to that feeling of him walking away. I no longer cry when he steps into the bus although I feel something tugging at my heart. I don't feel myself shake when I walk all alone to the station. I don't feel disoriented when I return home. I no longer shed tears at the moments we spent.
           IT strangely relaxes my nerve. To have something to remember and live by. To have more moments to relish. To not worry when we would meet next. To not succumb to the pressures of the distance.
          Maybe it is our sheer determination or it is the faith with which we face each day.. The unknown fear that lurked about my happiness is now clearing. Life is gifting me with such perfect days to engulf my thoughts..


                            I wish I could share our pics here, but this is all I can for the time being...
                             

            

Please please please

S is in town! S is in town !! I'm reeling with all the excitement I feel :) :) ok I'm literally dancing around !!!!
I have such awesome plans for tomorrow. All I pray is everything go smooth.
Please God, don't let it rain more than the drizzling here and there
Let there be no problems that make us late
Let there be no event that makes us angry or irritated :(
I'm praying hard . Harder than my boards .. Really !
Let the day be perfect ..

Pray for us please :*

Back again

                    Regular readers (yes the three of you) must have guessed that S was in my native place last week. I was hoping that we would meet there. For the last few months we have been meeting every month and I was expecting that we might be able to make it this month too. S had invitation to attend his friend's engagement. Although bored at first to come for engagement, this new proposition excited him too. Next came the task of convincing mom to let me go.
                    After the last time we spoke about my relation, the topic never came up again with Mom. I was a bundle of nerves and followed her like a puppy all around the house. She was busy with meeting relatives and doing household work and I dare not ask her at the wrong time. When she was alone, I would gauge her mood and think of saying something but she moved too quick. After trying one whole day, I finally managed to ask her, "Mom can I go to Mu ( short form of the place) on Sunday?"
                 "Why ? Who's there?" She asked.
                 "He" I replied, my heart pounding madly.
                 "No need, I won't come around looking for you here!" she said sternly.
                 "Mom, please. I will call you all the time. You take his number too. Please na" I pleaded
                 "No no.. not here. Here everyone notices who is going where. I don't want any scene here. You do what you want in Mumbai. Ask Dad if you want but I won't let you"
                 Asking Dad was out of question so I walked back dejected. S told me to broach the topic the next day.
                The next two days I tried all I could but she didn't budge. I know she was feeling sorry too but she didn't have it in her to let me meet S in a place where people know you by your name. Saturday evening I made my last attempt. I refused to accept anything that she was offering. I did not want Gadbad ice cream in return, nor did I want anything else to eat. She looked at me helplessly. She really was afraid of people making a mess of our relation. I had to give up. I ate Gadbad icecream and drowned my sorrows :(
                Late that night, S came back from engagement and messaged me
                " I can come to Mu by 10 tomorrow. What happened today?"
               It broke my heart to tell him that I couldn't make it. I knew that I was the reason he made the trip in the first place. It was a sad night for both of us and we went to bed with a heavy heart. I m just so glad that he understood my plight and didn't become mad at me. I know I would have created havoc if I had been in his shoes.
                The next day we were back on Watsapp as usual. He was leaving that day and I had the train on Monday. I had quite a few tasks ahead to compensate S :D
               So I m back in town. I m being a good girl to S :P :P
               I m back to the holiday routine which includes Grey's anatomy, criminal case, novels, lazying around and sleeping. I m hoping to include more of writing :) 

Dear S

It just breaks my heart to know that you are in the same place as mine,
That you are breathing the same air as me,
You are closer to me right now,
And yet we cannot meet..

I wish we lived in a perfect world,
A place where we could be together without worrying about anything,
Somewhere people didn't bother us about seeing each other..

Right now I'm calm outside, smiling even..
But my insides burn,
flames of desire and regret I swallow within,
Only you know how my heart aches..

Awesome day

Spent the day lazying around yesterday. Grandparents wanted to visit a temple today so yesterday grandpa called a driver home. The temple is an hour' s drive away and we were 7 people and that man says one ambassador car would be enough !! Talk about fitting in :p.  After much persuasion by me ( I didn't want them to blame it on my size if I didn't fit) everyone agreed that only 4 people go in that car and rest by bus. As luck would have it, the car broke down on the way before it even reached our home in morning. Grandpa finally relented to hire a van. :D He refuses to believe that his whale of a grand daughter won't concise in a car having 6 people :D
            The house was live with activity early in the morning. The hustle bustle was evidence of the rare events when the entire family went out some place. The drive was awesome with the roads all clear. The temple was a beauty as with all architectures of such sanctity. After getting the rituals done we decided to skip the temple meal and eat in some restaurant. It is another thing that doesn't happen much in this house. On our way back, the driver got a little distracted and we landed on the side of the road in a shallow patch. As I was on the window I felt myself tilt and people started gathering. When we got out I saw that the van was saved by a block of stone else would have toppled over. Narrow miss !  The people helped us out and then pulled the vehicle on road. Couldn't thank the stars enough!
             The lunch was delicious and thank God it was that good that no one brought again the line "should have eaten at temple, see God punished!"  Personally God has been much more benevolent to me and won't lurch me in a ditch because I didn't eat at temple :)
             Back home everyone is dead tired and happily snoring while I type this. I m just whiling time waiting for S to ping. Poor.guy just returned from work..
               It's raining outside and there is no electricity right now. I lay on bed with my ears cotton plugged. I hide inside the thin blanket. It just gives me a false sense of safety from all insects. The cat of the house is sleeping tucked in the bundles of waste cloth under the bed.
             My S is collecting all bonus loyally :p.. So no worries about that. Missing Grey' $ anatomy.. No zee cafe here..
             S replies as I type and I'm off to sleep when I complete this line :)
             P.s- I'm still struggling to reply to comments via blogger app. I wrote long responses to previous comments and it disappeared :(  will type replies once I figure this out !

First day

We set out from home early yesterday. Early morning calls started trickling in that its raining heavily and trains are late. We took of 3 hrs before our train schedule and kept checking on internet about the confirmation status. Contrary to news reports, the trains were running smoothly with only 10 minute delay which is the "normal" delay! So we reached a full one hour before time, something which we regretted only after the fellow passenger turned out to be a talkative navy man :( why god why ?? Why do I get such people as co-passengers? Thank goodness that he slept as soon as the train started and woke up only when his destination arrived. Thank GOD for the little mercies !
            I kept myself busy with the novel and day dreaming :P
            Today morning I woke up with a bad stomach :( worst.nightmare ever!!! Never again bread pakoras in train :( I kept napping as train got delayed. Finally my trouble came to an end and so did the journey.
            It was drizzling when we stepped out of the train. Took auto and had that ride through narrow, lonely and damp roads. Nani stood waiting at the door.. :)
            In minutes I was devouring dosa and her speciality chutney. It started raining heavily and hasn't stopped raining yet. Just the intensity keeps changing. The hot water bath and home grown bottleguard curry put my discomfort at rest finally!
            We went to the market in the evening. Walked through the greenery and the ups and downs of the road in the rains. It was super fun.
            Its just 8.30 now and we have already had dinner and are ready to hit the sack. Its pitch dark outside. The surrounding houses have put their lights off at 8. We are the only house having light right now. I can already hear the night insects and frogs.
        I better stop now before the flies swarm my mobile screen. More later.
        Good night :)
          

Just saying

If a guy agrees to collect your daily bonus on criminal case everyday while you are away, marry him 

Monsoon here I come!

             For last 2 years I have been welcoming monsoon in Konkan railway trains. I m missing Goa terribly.  I m missing that journey with friends to Thivim station. The bus ride from Thivim to Calangute. The lazying around, the food, the street roaming and beaches and ofcourse the rains. The furious roars of the waves as the rains create turbulence, the wind that leaves sloppy kisses and the guards screaming their lungs out to stay AWAY from the waters. I m missing all of it!
             This year I was in Mumbai when it drizzled and flooded on Facebook. Why was I never awake when it rained :O Finally yesterday it rained and by that I mean it rained for hours. So yes all that over hyped smell of soil, chill in the air, etc etc statuses are now rightfully applied to the atmosphere here. When will I ever stop dreaming romance in monsoon? Sigh.
             I m headed to Konkan.. hush hush.. I know some of you already guessed :P  I m so excited to make that journey on the same route. Amidst the trail of lush green, I pass through the red mountains. Those dark tunnels, that cloudy sky, those proud palms, that red drenched soil.. Ah! The joys of nature.
             I await to embark on those narrow roads, that muddy lane that leads to the house. The house of my grandparents.. Yay! Monsoon here I come!

            Ah I just wish S was with me now. I have been jumping around like a kid ever since my tickets were booked. Every conversation includes, " I m going gau" :D :D
            The weather is just getting to me.
             I can't stop fantasizing about this journey in side berth with S.
             Those cold hours and warm soup.
             The adventure on the roads.
             Walking close under an umbrella on deserted streets.
             IF only !

           For now, its just me and my family. My novels, my phone, my window to distant lands of joy..
           
           Maybe I will blog when I reach there :D
           Happy Monsoon people :)

           Love
           M
             

Live it while you can..

               Life is so very unpredictable. While we go on like we have an eternity to spend, death lurks closer than we ever thought. It sends out subtle reminder which shouts out "Time is running out"
               In my last post, I talked about the girl trainee in office. We were having fun in the company, getting our work done on time, gossiping during the breaks and travelling together. This week is the last day of work and we planned to go to Mc Donalds. It was triggered by her craving for potato fries and also the fact that we probably won't work together in near future. Yesterday we left office early as work was done before time. I just didn't feel like eating out and she too told she wanted to go home and then out with her mom to doctor. We went home talking and laughing like always.
               Till late night there was no watsapp from her which was unusual. Today morning I texted her on getting the train like I always do but there was no reply. I waited at the station for close to 5 minutes and called her up. 4-5 calls later too there was no response. Maybe she wasn't feeling feel and was asleep. I got into the bus to go to office. At noon we all got to know that her mother expired due to sudden heart attack. I was shocked to hear this from the manager.
               I feel strange writing this because tomorrow is going to be the day we were both completing the internship. I was going to complete on friday but she had planned to go on a holiday with her family so insisted we finish on thursday. Who could have seen what lay ahead? Its awkward to finish alone :(
              She is in no state to talk and is in deep trauma. Our mentor personally talked to me at length. Her words still echo in my mind," I lost my mother 16 yrs back and yet there isn't a single day when I don't think of her. Not a day when I wish she was here to see me managing everything so well. I think of her when my child says something that hurts me. Did I do the same to my mother? How did she forgive me so easily?" She got so close to crying. I can't imagine the plight of my friend who is still in shock..
              I do not know to exist in a world without my Mom. She wasn't around all day because she is a working woman. No, she wasn't always home when I came back hurt. She didn't make me dependent for every little thing. She always told me, " I travel in trains and I m out all day battling unknown evils. A bomb scare, a train accident, a terrorist attack! you never know where I will die." She somewhat kept me aware that death coexists with life and yet, I do not know how to exist in a world without my Mom. I can't imagine what it must be for someone too pampered and protected!
             My mentor repeats the words, " Be happy with what you have. This is your present. Don't worry what will happen in future. It always works out. You will finish studies, get work and struggle to go up in life but once you reach where you want and settle down then the graph is the same. There is no fun. No thrill of the uncertain. Life is unpredictable. Don't take tension and be happy with the present."
           The first few times I thought, "IT is easy to say that when you are in a stable position." I did not know this experience would happen so fast. One moment life can be so happy with a family planning their holiday and next moment they are at the funeral of their loved one.
           Live it up while you can.. We can't just be hit by a truck or a massive attack and leave with a list of things to do..