Dreams

                          If there had been one thing about me that I would have liked to change then it would have been my dreams. No, not the ones that I see with open eyes ;). 

                          The clarity of my dreams never ceased to amaze me. It has this almost life like quality to it. Nothing seems blurred or hazy like they show in dream sequences. Its as real as it could get to the point that I sometimes have to wonder if I saw a dream or was it real occurence.

                          On the brighter side, I have had some experiences for which I long in my real life. Its been months since I met S, but every now and then I get a dream so clear about him where I actually feel him close. Just because the memory of his touch, of his presence is so fresh in my mind. I can't thank my subconcious enough for playing it in my dreams! 

                          

                         I rarely share my dreams with anyone because they seem so ridiculous and end up becoming the butt of jokes. Just because I m so overwhelmed with the experience, I sometimes need to share it with someone. It backfires on me sometimes though.

                         

I came early from college one day and I was so exhausted that I went for an afternoon nap (which I rarely do). I saw myself going into the kitchen and I realised that the gas stove was on. I tried to put it off when suddenly the next stove started to burn. I panicked, not realising what to do. 

The same evening I recounted the whole dream to my mother. She told me "Call the neighbors if something like that ever happens". 

The very next day the gas cylinder got over. I wasn't at home but when I returned my father asked me, "Did you really forget to put the stove off before you went to sleep? How come the gas got over in just 15 days?" 

My mom was actually confused because of how accurately remembered my dream that she thought it actually happened and told it to Dad! Never again I m telling her my dreams!

I was very angry at her and told her that I had no business in the kitchen that day so there arised no doubt that I didn't put on the stove . Maybe she believed it later when I pointed out the various ways in which the gas was getting wasted! 

               Its funny how minute details of day to day life manifest themselves in my dreams like a whole new picture!

              Something related to gold coins fell on my ear last week. I had not even paid much attention to the story. Later S told me how his machine parts looked like bullets and how it kept getting scanned. 

              Later that night I saw a dream in which me and S were shopping. He was buying gold coin and asking for a shop selling bullets!!! I cannot put down my reaction to that. 

              When I told him about it, he laughed and me and said, "Maybe I was buying bullets to kill you. You might have been demanding for gold coins from me! You saw future ka dream maybe" :D

                                              

               

             It goes on the point when we don't have anything to say and he asks "Aur koi sapna dekha tumne?" and suddenly we have a topic to talk! 

                  

            Why would I want to change having these dreams? Because they are equally real when its a bad dream. Tormenting, mentally disturbing and stays on in my memory. I don't watch horror movies for the same reason. They come back to me associated with the people I love. 

            I become unusually clingy to S and keep checking on him. If he is busy and delays calling, I m a wreck. 

           Even if I keep telling myself not to be so annoying and get so paranoid, I can't help thinking about it. 

        

           Last night was a bad night. In the morning , when I called S, he told me he was busy. When it crossed more hours than usual the bad thoughts started. I busied myself cleaning up my room and doing the laundry but kept checking the phone all the time. Numerous times I thought the phone is ringing only to find that its the song playing in the neighborhood! 

           At last in the evening I texted him that I was worried and only when he called back, I could heave a sigh of relief. 

           If only I could delete the bad dreams!! 

You and me..

        Simple joys of love
        I know because of you
        Pearls of precious time are
        between you and me..


        From seedling I have grown with you
        That plant of loyal devotion
        is between you and me..
        
        You don't have to think if I need you
        I need you more than life
        That delicate surrender of my life
        is between you and me..

                                  
image from Here

Don't let her go..

 Found this on facebook and thought of sharing it.

When a girl WALKS for miles to see you.


When a girl SAYS SORRY even though she didn't do anything.


When a girl CRIES because  she still loves/misses u.

When a girl still TRIES TO GET YOU BACK.

When a girl ,no matter how much YOU HURT HER, STILL LOVES YOU.

when a girl STOPS her argument with her guy to SAvE her relationship.

When a girl continously MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL and TRIES TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

When a girl is upset but DOES NOT tell you as she thinks she is ANNOYING YOU.

When a girl wants to LEAVE u because  of your RUDE BEHAVIOUR but she is not able to do so.

DO NOT LET HER GO

 because YOU MAY NEVER FIND SOMEONE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. ♥ 

SHE MAYBE VERY SPECIAL AND GOD'S GIFT FOR YOU

FROM here

Makes me wonder if it really is love or are we expected to always make adjustments and put up with pain? 

Chup Chupke (continued)

    continued from Here 

       I walked into the subway with no option but to text him myself. By this time I was going mad with anger or frustration! Nevertheless I kept walking and stole a few minutes to text him to tell that I was going on another platform.

                 He replied back that he just entered the station. 

                 We were walking towards the AC lounge room when I receive a text again. "If you are on the front side of train number xyz give one missed call and if you are on the behind give 2 missed calls".

                 From where I was, I couldn't even see this train XYZ. What was I supposed to do? So I texted him again that I was going to the lounge room.

                 Now this lounge room is all closed and you can't see anyone from the other side. No sooner did I settle down in the lounge than it was thought by all of going to eat in the neighboring restaurant on the station. Since we had less than an hour to eat the next door restaurant was deemed appropriate. Leaving aside 2-3 members (to look over the luggage) the rest of us were rushed into the restaurant. Right at that time I get a text " I m outside the lounge". So again I had to text him that I m in the restaurant!! Uff!! I had not yet seen a glimpse of him..

                  The restaurant was like a small canteen with tables randomly scattered and places occupied. So our whole group got distributed around. While my parents occupied the table diagonally behind mine ( I was with my brother), the rest of them were sitting all about the place.  A middle aged man was sitting in front of me too occupied with his large thaali.

                  Right then S texted me that he wouldn't come in as the restaurant is too small ( S were you serious when you said "me choti  moti jaga pe nahi khata??", I seriously wondered this!) and he would wait outside. My dad was busy placing the order so I could quickly give S a call and asked him to come inside and have something too. The man sitting opposite me gave me a look and then got busy with food. 

                  I looked around ( I couldn't see the entrance from where I was sitting) and then I saw S walking towards the counter and my heart went on to do a mini jig. Yes!! Finally I saw him!

                  He was standing right next to my Dad and that was enough to get me nervous. I kept looking at the counter even though my thaali was served. The man sitting opposite to me was done and I texted S to look behind and just come and sit there. But he did not see his cellphone. As soon as he got his plate he turned and I pointed out to the seat in front of me with the enthusiasm of a small kid. My brother got shocked at this daredevilry of mine. As S settled down on the seat I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked at me and gave a quick smile. 

                  My brother whispered to me, "Are you crazy? Dad is here!! What if he sees him?" 

                  I was just too happy to worry about it right then, "Don't worry Dad won't know!" I said.

   So we had this very filmy type of a lunch where I kept stealing glances at him and kept blushing.  The food was bland and with great difficulty I was swallowing it because it was the reason I could see him. I couldn't stop  myself from smiling and looked away when my Dad saw me! 

                  I almost thought "I m dead" when he came to my table and asked me what happened! I told him that I was looking for spoon. Thank God for those Southern restaurants which didn't serve spoons with meals. Dad asked for spoon and got me a spoon and then went back to his table. Hush!

                 But this made S all the more anxious I feel and he hurried up his eating. I couldn't keep up with him and neither did I like that food. So when he went to wash his hands, I left the rest of the food and went after him, inviting a raised eyebrow from my brother. 

                 When I entered into that handwash area I tried hugging him and he pushed me! I had something written for him on a paper which I think fell somewhere there. At that moment I was more concerned about his storming off than the paper. Frankly, I was even hurt by his behavior. So when he went out I returned to my seat next to bro and waited. Dad told me to go wait in the lounge.

                 I was about to go into the lounge when I got a text "Bahar ladki ne dekha". I looked up and saw that he was standing outside the lounge. I went to him and told him that I had got something for him which I lost. He told me that one of the girl in our group had seen us. He told me that the handwash area could be seen from where people were sitting. So basically I had upset him. 

                 I went to the lounge and sat and thought about it. The europhia was over and worry took place. I asked him if he would wait till 3 and he said yes in a very irritated tone. 

                 The next half hour I couldn't feel at ease. I was feeling nervous. When we finally came out to go to our train once again I tried to search for him. I couldn't see him anywhere. The whole process of looking for every male started. When we were a little away from our coach I saw him standing at the door of my coach. As we were approaching, he moved ahead. I kept staring at his back.

                 I kept pacing the coach but the relatives wouldn't let me go out of their sight.  I couldn't manage to see him again. Looking at the circumstances, I had already achieved quite a lot :)
                 Later when the train started and we took our places I found time to call S. I was happy that he did not mind that debacle I did in the restaurant as much as I thought he would. So yes one panga less in life! I was busy dreaming the rest of the journey!

                 When you are so away from the love of your life what can  you not do to just see them for half an hour? This unexpected half hour was more than enough for us although at that time I kept whining how I could have seen more of him if he had come before my train arrived and we  would not have wasted so much time just struggling to catch up. Seems like everyone had business with him in those 15 minutes that mattered!
                 This thrilling date that we had will go into those stories that we will someday remember and laugh at when we are old and wrinkled and still together and still falling in love with each other ;)
                                            

                 

                

Chup Chupke

                         Just in case you have been wondering if I ran away and shut this space- No I haven't :)

             The recent dearth in posts can be blamed on my blood sucking college and my very busy other half- S. 

                

          So we are in the 5th year of our relationship and the very famous 5 year itch gets to us sometimes. Like it did 2 weeks back. I was ready to go out of town for a week when something trivial started up and got blown into a major fight between us. So much that I had mentally prepared myself to not talk to S ever.

 2 days away from him- I thought maybe I should wait till he talks to me.

3 days away from him- Ok I will wait till Valentine's Day. If he doesn't talk to me till then , its the end of it! 

4th day I got to know that I will be in his city for full 1 and a half hour (only on the station though) and I m confused!

The angry half- " So what? It's just one and a half hour and anyway the whole family is going to be there. There isn't much that you can do anyway. And you are PISSED OFF! 

The "i-m-mad-but-i-love-him-madly-still" half- " What if things go well and you realise you missed this opportunity just because of your ego? It's Valentine's month and you are about to get what you want the most- To see him! 

So while the bride and groom (What ? Didn't I tell you I went to attend a wedding ? Well that was one of the reasons :P) were posing away for the photographer who thought himself as some big-shot modelling photographer, the ladies busy with very important debate on the design of the silk saree and the men of the group deciding where to party in the evening, I sat all alone battling this very serious question of my life. 

I did what I do when I confused- Give him a mised call :D. I thought - "If he calls back, I will tell him." If he doesn't then I can blame it on him." :P 

He called me back to tell " I m still waiting for you and haven't run off with anyone else, if that's what you are checking"

Couldn't help smiling at that. 

So I told him that I will be in his city the day after and asked him to check the train details and all after I message him the details of my journey. 

He was somewhat unsure of the whole plan. He kept asking how he will meet me in front of everybody (with chances of Mom recognising him). 

If apprehensions were part of my behavior, I wouldn't have made it this far ;) So I told him to be there and rest will be taken care of.

The next 2 days were full of planning. With the help of my two friends I could send him all the details and happenings. I couldn't text him directly so these two friends relayed the messages. I was just a few hours short of seeing him. I couldn't believe the turn of events.

I called him once that day. After that short call I said, "Milte hai kal"

He was still worried and said, "Milte kaise hai?"

I said, "Ok thik hai, dekhte hai kal" :P 

I was as clueless as he was about the whole idea! 

My train was supposed to reach his city at 1:30 and the next train for my city was at 3. So that roughly gave me 1 and a half hour. He messaged me that he would be there my 1:30. Contrary to the tradition of Indian Railways, the train reached dot at 1:30. Not a minute of delay.

I was expecting him to be already waiting in front of my coach so he could not lose me in the crowd. I got down all excited to see a platform with no one around. Once again I gave him a missed call. He texted me, "I will be there in 15 minutes." 

15 minutes! I was worried. In 15 minutes I could reach the furthest platform from the one I was on. I looked around restlessly. What if the entire group decided to wait at some other place? How would I inform him? 

Thankfully the men went to check the next train schedule and asked us to wait at the same place. So we waited for more than 15 minutes there during which I looked as far as my eyes could see. Every approaching male was looked at until he came at a distance close enough to know that it wasn't S. Restlessness now gave way to anger.

The 15  minutes were over. The children in the group were hungry and the ladies went around to buy some snacks for the time being. I was offered snacks but I had no appetite to eat and ended up snapping at one of them. 

The men were back and it was decided that we wait on some other platform (like I worried). I picked up my bags and dragged myself slowly behind them. Being the last one in the group. I was still looking around. 

"Did he find something more important? Would he not come?" I saw myself wondering..

                                                 

(to be continued) 

P.S: To be continued is just to keep the post short( as I see it is already getting too long ) and not to keep the readers in suspense. The other part will be up in a short time :D 

Makarsankranti Date

                    Happy Makarsankranti to all my readers.. What are you doing today? The sky here in Mumbai is adorned with colorful kites and doors of homes here all open to wish each other "Tilgul ghya godh godh bola" ( roughly translated as "Eat tilgul sweets and talk sweet sweet" )
                    Makarsankranti day has some fond memories in my love story. Makarsankranti was one of the days when S got a holiday and there was no holiday in my city. Prior to having internet at our homes, we depended on cyber cafe ( you would not what I m talking if you have read my earlier post on Love in times of internet). Makarsankrant was a special day because we knew we would get to see each other.
                    Right in the morning we would get ready to hunt for a cyber cafe with a cam. I used to dress up in salwar kameez (which I hardly wear otherwise) and spend so much time deciding what accessories to wear. Neither the slow broadband connection nor the continuous disconnection could wither away our spirits. Just for a few minutes of seeing each other...
                    When I first got internet connection at my home it was just a day before Makarsankrant and our first chat from home happened on a Makarsankranti day!! Quite a coincidence it was.
                    Had it been the same situation I can imagine how heartbroken I would have been if Makarsankrant fell on a Sunday. Thankfully it is not. Its a Sunday and S is still working till late afternoon. I m completing my journal work so that I can shop in the evening. I just hope we make time to skype today :)
                   
                    Completely unrelated to the post, but this snap made me go "awwwwwwwwwwwwww"
                                        
                                        I adore twins!! 

Love, adventure and miracle

                         It is said that the 3rd and the 5th year of a relation are the most crucial ones. I don't know how these two years were chosen but there is a ring of reality to it. While the 3rd year is the testing time as the romance takes a backseat and other accompanying factors of a relation make themselves prominent, the 5th year is the stable but the year which mostly decides if you are going to stay together.

                        Contrary to what is believed, in a long distance relation you know a person for what he or she is. Leaving the first 3 months, me and S have fought every year :P Fight matlab the serious ones where it comes to even thinking of leaving each other. The 3rd was the worse and most trying of our relation. Even though the 4th year had set in, signs of trouble were still brewing. 

                        Everytime I m away from S ( that is not able to talk to him), I get very clingy. I want to talk to him for long till I actually leave and then again talk on and on when I return back. It somehow makes the separation bearable. 

                        I was leaving for a Christmas holiday to a town near the coast. This time I didn't keep calling and telling him how much I will miss him. I wondered if our relation had lost the spark. He was too occupied with his work and I didn't want to bring up any hard questions right then. I let all the love and related insecurities fall in the back drop and went on with the holiday which was going to be too much fun.

                        We had gone on a group picnic. The group consisted of my family, my father's friends' family and a few relatives of theirs. We first had to attend a marriage and then the rest of the days were for holidaying. The mehendi, leg pulling, the display of affection and the marriage were making me restless. I kept dreaming of how it would be for me and S. Once in a while the current problems crept into my mind and I toughened myself from weaving such dreams. 

                       After a couple of days, we headed to Kaup beach. We were staying in a  house of one of the family. Since the village is essentially of fishermen, the people are expert swimmers. In the wee hours of morning, the kids in the family decided to go to the beach which was like hardly 5 minute walk from the house. My father's friend offered to accompany us to the beach much to the relief of my parents. I and my brother were the only non swimmers in the group. 

                      When we reached the beach, I dreaded the waters. It was an open sea with a sloping beach. While we were on the beach, it began raining. The winds blew wildly at us and the waves lapping calmly now roared. I held on to my brother as the rest of the kids went to take a dip in the waters. We were content wetting our feet by the shore. The uncle who had accompanied himself got into the waters and displayed some of his sharp swimming abitlites. 

                      I stayed at the shore with my camera in one hand. I was clicking away the beautiful virgin beach. There was no one in sight other than our group. The other kids accompanying us began to persuade my brother to get into the water. Though I m scared of entering rough waters my brother is otherwise a phobic to open waters! Uncle asked me to relax as he would hold him all the while. Uncle took him into the waters which were now at the level of my brother's chest (my brother is taller to me :P ). I kept my gaze on them skeptically. As promised Uncle held him tightly and then brought him back to the shore. My brother was very happy with this experience and he told me how liberating it was to be in the waters. He nudged me to try it too. 

                    Otherwise a very careful me, I decided to throw caution to the winds and get on with this which was no less than an adventure for me. I m only a few inches above 5 feet and heavy at that. That day adventure got the better of me and I went into the waters. As I walked deeper, holding Uncle's hand in one hand and a younger boy from the group in the other hand the water seemed harmless. I was enjoying when suddenly a taller wave came near me. Since Uncle and the other boy were both taller than me, it really didn't affect them much. But me! I was impacted by this wave so much that I went off balance. I held on to dear life by groping for Uncle's hand but nothing came in my reach. The water was over me when I completely shut my eyes. It was pitch dark.
                                                     

                    For what was less than a second, I saw one image flash before me. It was of S giving me the sweetest of his smiles before our first kiss and suddenly I wanted to live. The water was forceful and I tried to make myself stand again. The water was receding back and I could have been swept with it had Uncle not reached hold of me and balanced me back. 

                    My father had followed us to the beach and had watched me nearly drowning helplessly. I came out of the water spitting the salty water. I had had enough of water on this trip! 

                    I went back to the house with my father. After a long shower, a longer sermon by Mommy on why she forbids us to go into the waters, I finally got time for myself. I took out my cellphone from my bag and switched it on. It greeted me with the welcome wallpaper " Life is beautiful, you are lucky".. The alarm went off. It was 25th of December. When my cellphone was brand new I had set a note "Merry Christmas, wish for a gift" just to check the function. I smiled to myself. Strange! How come I had not set it off ? What a childish way it was to check a mobile function but right at that moment it made me smile.. What could I wish for?
                    We often say "Only a miracle can save the relation", in my case it did. The miracle of life and the miracle of nature which gave me less than a second to actually know what I needed deep within.. That smile of S to be with me all my life..
                                                      

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