Love it when..

11. Love it when you sing for me on special occasions. Somehow I have never known of these songs until you sing it for me..   Does this image remind you of anything??? Just thought this was how you must be singing in your college days.. lalalalala.... 

12. Love it when you say you hate makeup on me .. I can be natural around you..  but I always want to be beautiful for you..

13. Love it when you  want to see me in the clothes I just shopped. 

14. Love it when you fancy showing me things around you... swizz knife! 

15. Love it when you tell me to let my hair down because you like it that way.. 

16. Love it when we just can't keep things form each other and say "bataye bina pet dukh raha tha" when we have to wait. 

17. Love it that no matter what happens I will always need you in my life. You never have to think if I want you. I want you more than life.. 

18. Love it that after all this time, I still blush at your mention. 

19. Love it when you give me that wonderful feeling each time you call me "jaaaaanu". 

20. Love it when you make me soo proud of you... and that I can think of many more things that I love about you...

A little about long distance relationship

                      
Of the many things in our relation, distance has been the constant one. I and S live in different cities and thus our relation gets classified under what is called "Long distance relationship."

The one question that irritates me no end is, "What was the last time you guys met?"
The question touches the raw wound. More often the question is asked in a rhetoric sense giving you a sense of discomfort, as if questioning "Are you really in a relationship?"

Being in a long distance relationship, you are caught somewhere in between. You don't fit into the group of single friends because you are neither waiting for the Mr Right nor are you lamenting the "absence of a soul mate". You don't fit in with your hooked friends because you aren't bunking classes on Valentine's Day, or get pampered with Roses and chocolates or go on dates with the exquisite planning!

So you are mostly left to your own unless you find a girlie in a similar situation (which most definitely won't happen that easy).

Recently I met this very much in love (read not even 3 months into relationship) couple. They happened to be my school friends. The guy let's name him A and the girl let's call her T had made a detailed plan and added meeting up with friends as an after thought ( to show pics to their parents! Whatever excuse they had made, friends clearly figured big time in it as these people frantically clicked pictures even of people not with us!)

A stays in another city and T stays in mine. So these guys were drooling over each other while I was made the unwilling, uncomfortable witness! The other friends out of habit were turning out late.
So while I watched their PDA and glanced nervously here and there ( I clearly don't enjoy being the kabaab me haddi) A clicked many snaps of his darling T  and she kept on insisting he not spoil his "white colored Tshirt" leaning his arms all over the table. ( I never gathered what the matter was over that Tshirt!)

A asked me, "Then how is your S" (Ofcourse he doesn't call S as S.. But names are not to be taken on this blog ;))
I search for a neutral answer and reply as , "He's fine."
I don't talk any further and they feel its not normal! ( They are in that phase of love when they can't stop talking about each other. It is that novelty factor, "Oh she like softy", "Oh he sleeps all day!" )
They prod me some more and I curtly say, "Let's not talk more about that." because I m dead sure whatever I say, you guys will start your own lovey dovey story and I m so not in mood to listen to your sweet nothings!


I get that look and A can't resist asking, "You guys are still together right?"
That's the thing ! You don't want to talk about your love and people automatically think you have broken up! Long distance is under continuous speculations! No matter why you are not so bubbly, friends always think that the inevitable has happened.

I give back a smile and say, "Yeah all fine.."
Then T  asks me the hated question, "When did you guys last meet?"
I m left wondering why I turned up to meet these people!!!!!!!
I make a straight face and say, "Jan 2009."
I get the expected response!
Yes! That look you give a martyr! Heck I m none of it!
T says to A, "Look how she is living and you want to meet all the time." and he gives her one adoring look and says, "As if only I keep saying on the phone that I want to meet you." and I want to slap them both!

The late comers come to my rescue and thankfully the conversation is now about other things. I heave a sigh of relief!

When we are about to leave, A was about to forget his cellphone and quickly returns to pick it back and tells me,
"Phone is so very important for us, we would probably go mad if there was no phone."
I give him an understanding look over his stupid remark and say, "Who knows better!"
A, how I hate him for this, returns back my sarcasm and says, "I know you must be feeling terrible even if you don't show it."
I want to smash the bisleri bottle lying on the table into his bird brained head!

Although I get those admiring looks from the girlfriend-afflicted guys , it gets to my nerves when I m forcefully made to adorn that "all sacrificing" nature.
Long distance is a choice. No one forces you to continue long distance. If you do continue long distance, it means that there is something that gives you happiness. For me it is S. I want him in my life, long distance or otherwise and for that choice I really don't think I m making a sacrifice. Unless ofcourse, it would be a lifelong situation. In that case, I would definitely opt out.

Ofcourse, long distance relation is not all rosy..
There are times when you wish you too had your special someone sharing the umbrella with you on a rainy day..
Times when you will envy your friends being pampered by their lovers on Valentine's day..
Times when you will be depressed you cannot celebrate your birthday with your love..


I often talk myself out of these lonely thoughts with my vision of a future of 
 endless mornings I will wake up next to S..
The countless nights I will cuddle up with S .
The many birthdays, valentine's and rainy days we  will see together..Doesn't a few years of Patience look too less a price for that??


FYI, I m neither all too sacrificing nor too mature always! Long distance is not all WAIT for me. I have those mad days when I feel unloved and unflattered and get all teary. ( God bless that Guy S who puts up with me on my worst days!) Days when I have no patience and fight for every little thing..  I decide I had had enough of S and want to leave him but then come back to him. 
Then one of those days when I m sick and I get those calls and my sweetheart  S keeps asking, "How are you now? Did you eat?" I know that I made the right decision all along.. 


I may not get to see you as often as I like,
I may not get to hold you in my arms through the night,
But deep in my heart I truly know 
you are the one that I love 
and I can't let you go..


So you see, I m not always so angelic. Today is just one of my angel days :)

Finding a Friend in your Love..

           Hello my lovely readers..  Oh well I have been away from the blog not so much due to lack of time but due to lack of topic.. I had run short of tales as during this time me and S had  a major tiff (over a matter I have to think back to remember :P) following which I went on a week long "Ignore mode". So my love life had definitely hit the rock and I spent better part of my life pitying myself and checking my mails! Now before you think more on these lines let me tell you that M and S are still very much the couple in love! So here I m back on the blog with some more little things in love..
          Friendship Day is around the corner and the ambience is already filled with those bands..While in school it was about who had his/ her hands filled the most with those bands which are no more than rag pieces the next day.. It was about the numbers then and I hardly knew the faces that tied those bands on my hand.. Looking back there were only handful of people who were genuinely friends.. I m glad I spent the best days of my life with those people and never fell into that "teenage phase" of making useless and selfish friends.
          Growing up, definitions have changed. I have realised that friendship is more about staying besides your friend in silence and just letting them the comfort of your company than talking out uncomfortable explanations. It is that face which comforts you in a crowd..
          Sometimes life throws weird situations at you. You just cannot unburden those things on your friends. They have a life too and even though they would gladly help you out, you have to be considerate enough to think about their convenience..
          During such lonely times, the only support I seek for is in my S.. Someone I can lean on without thinking if I m a hurdle..Someone I can shout at, accuse all that comes into my emotion wrecked mind and still expect to love me. Someone who listens to all my rattling , gets irritated sometimes and shouts back at me then says Sorry and next moment I m back to my chattering.
          Some people wonder how we can talk the most mundane things of our life ( Not the "khaane me namak kam types".. rolls eyes..itne bhi boring nahi hai hum!!) but then I don't care about all those complaints. I know of people chatting hours with their best friends, those who give every minute details to their moms etc etc.. For me there is only one person I can share anything and everything..That is my beloved S..
         Finding a friend in your love is more comforting because he is more than your friend..he is family and he is more accomodating than your family.. he is your friend..
         Thank you my darling S for being my soundboard in all these years.. for reminding me of my own decisions, for keeping me sane, for assuring me that you will be with me no matter what.. For making useless efforts to make me realise how I should not cry over friendships gone sour because there will be many more friends in life.. For giving me most humorous ideas, for giving me practical advices, for sharing my fantasies and most importantly for your love.. I love you so so much jaanu.. Happy friendship Day in advance :)
                                
        Have a good week my dear readers..Enjoy this week with your friends and your life partner.. Wishing you lots of happiness..

Love in times of internet..

           It all began on the internet.. Back in 2005, when I and S first met and then he went to his city, his mail id was all I had of him.. My first mail id was created long before that and due to no activity on it, got deactivated too. When S entered my life, a whole new world of internet opened up for me.
           In those days (I was in school) I did not have an internet connection at home and projects, made with the help of internet,still hadn't been heard of in the syllabus. Today even primary students operate the internet for the school projects but our school projects were independent of the internet. Encyclopedias and library books were still the most referred study material.
           It was just 2 days since he left for his city and I was missing him already. I remember the day I went to the internet cafe. It was a rainy afternoon and the cyber cafe wore a deserted look. I created my account taking a lot of time and struggling with the slow internet connection. Finally a mail was drafted and I battled if I should send it to him. After making a few changes, I finally clicked on SEND.. Then began the wait..
          The whole internet and mailing thing of course had to be kept a secret lest unnecessary suspicion be drawn to something that didn't even exist. It took more than two days for him to reply to the mail.. The cyber cafe had become alluring and the only way to reach him (he didn't even have a cellphone that time). We exchanged mails and then came the next step.. I invited him for a chat.. The time was decided upon and I was hoping that he turns up..
         Our first yahoo messenger chat was something very casual.. The only distinct memory of that first chat I have is that , it was the first time he called me honey ( though not in a romantic undertone) and I called him sweetheart.
        The chats became something I looked forward to and started arranging all the time. The last day of the month I had half day at school. Often we used to have a chat on that day.. There was only one cyber cafe (with a decent speed) near my house. Excuses had to be made for each visit to the cyber cafe and it was all thrilling and scary at the same time. I used to look around all the time and seek out new cyber cafes at a distance from where I stayed ( too cautious I m).
        The chats and mails stopped once he got into a job and we drifted away for sometime. The forwarded mails (yes, where have they gone ??) were exchanged now and then. How he fell in love and how we entered a relation is another story.. Now lets forward to 2007 when we were in a relation

We confessed our love to each other but hadn't even seen each other since 2005. Mailing photographs through cyber was a risky thing to do (remember how pictures were morphed in the initial days of internet liberty?) and neither was MMS a viable option. We came to the the internet then.. This time video calling :)

 The first time we were going to video chat I remember being as nervous as a newly wed bride. ;) I hadn't seen him for soo long and the wait and the questions ! would he find me beautiful? would he change his decision when he saw me? I was very young then and naive to this whole world of romance. He had come home early from office and set out to search for a cyber with webcam.. (trust me its a bigg trouble to find one) and I was all ready and waiting for him at a nearby cafe. As fate would have, my cellphone was in repair and he had a powercut in the cafe. So I waiting for a long time before I could see him. And it was worth the wait..
There he was! sitting right in front of me in a navy blue shirt and he looked hottt.. I was lost again.. He looked at me and oh God ! I had never been so concious in my life! and then the internet connection died.. 

       With time we depended mostly on the webcam chat to see each other. Although we got cellphone with MMS facility later but watching each other was only possible through the cam. The excuses, the frustration of not finding a suitable cyber with cam, of not finding a good connection.. We have lived through it all..
     
      Now to the present time..
We both have internet connection at home. We both have cam. We can see each other whenever we are home. We can feel free with each other.. It's a blessing to our love story..
      Even now when I m on internet in the morning and he comes online to check his mails, he sends me a chat.. We chat but we can't go on messenger since he is in office and we chat like those gone days.. Even if it's been only 10 minutes since we talked on phone we are all , "Love you jaanu " on chat.. It brings back all those days of love when internet was not so easy to have :)
     Long distance isn't so much of a pain thanks to Skype  :)

   
 P.S: I know this was a long one, but had to be in continuation :) Hope you liked it..

you always get me!

                If there is one thing no one can equal S at, that is making a fool of me! Poor me is always the BAKRI.

There must have been innumerable times when he said something with so much convenience that I DID believe it .. even if it was outright bizarre and crazy! So it goes like if he tells me something is wrong with the solar system ( by giving some made up explanation and cooked up stats) and it is actually night although it looks like day... you can trust me to believe that!  

               I remember the most terrifying fool he made of me..

I hadn't called him all day as I had guests visiting and his genius of a brain cooked up a brilliant tale to get me!

               Late in the evening I called him. He was sounding ill. I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he had fever.

              I got worried because he was alright when we last talked and touchwood he never falls sick like that without reason (unlike me!!). 

              He told me ," Actually yesterday I went out with a friend of mine to a tattoo parlor. He got a design made on his arm."

              I was all ears to what he was saying! Alarm bells ringing!

              He took a dramatic pause! 

             "Then?" I asked nervously.

             "I too got a tattoo of your name on my chest ... in German."

Wow! now which girl wouldn't like to get such a permanent name engraved on her man! Minus the pain ofcourse! 

            "But now it is hurting and due to that pain I have fever."

That statement was enough to get me hysterical! Pain, fever, tattoo, pus!! everything running on my mind!

            "Why did you have to get a tattoo?" I almost cried.

I was on the verge of tears when he said, "Mazaak kar raha tha".

            He is too good at acting I tell you!

On April 1st I planned to get even with him for all the little fools he has made of me. I succeeded partly because he started believing me at the end  of it !  

Later in the evening we were talking and suddenly he asked me, "How far is Kanjurmarg from your place?"

"Uhh I don't know. Will ask someone.. Why?"

"Actually I have a meeting there. Will be coming on 20th."

"What? 20th? "

"Why ? aren't you there?"

"I told you na .. I was going to go to Water park.." I ofcourse didn't want to lose this chance . I was already thinking of ways to postpone or make adjustments..

"Ok wait..I will call them and cancel the plan." 

I heard the giggle on the other side the moment I said this! Oh Shit! IT was still April Fool's day and he got me! Shaaay!!!!!!!!!

He was having a smug moment I say! 

Now you all know how upset I was about going native and him visiting my city.. All the time I was thinking what he would be doing here... 

I landed in my city at 1 sharp .. When I reached home and called him he asked me, "When did you reach?"

I answered him, "Reached airport at 1."

He told  me, "Ohh I was there till 11. My flight was at 11. I looked around if you would be there. Missed just by two hours."

"Really ?" I asked innocently.   

"Ha baba.. bad luck. I was waiting you know."
I felt so miserable on hearing it. So he had been here while I was somewhere else! Star crossed love!

"Bas mat bolo aur."

"Kyun"

"Mujhe bura lagta hai." I said in a low tone.. 

"Nahi baba.. Me toh aya hi nahi " and he giggled again!!!

"You!!! you are too bad! Always make a fool of me " 

"I know "
Ohh he tricks me so well with his story! But I m soo hopelessly stupid when it comes to him! Love that is! I m so so madly and foolishly in love with this man!

So the moral of the april (sorry June) fool is (yeah this one has a moral, so read ok!) 

He hasn't yet been to my city so we still stand a fattt chance ! 

SO  HAPPY HAPPY I M !!

P.S : Thanks readers for the supportive comments on my last negative post :P Good times do come around !!

Distance,moodswings ,plans and failures

                   Life is not exactly perfect at the moment.. Trouble has been brewing since last month.. I stayed away from the blog because I did not want any of my negativity to rub off onto this blog which I started with so much love.. It would only be fair to not leave it stagnated though..
                   Me and S are in two different cities.. I have been missing him badly for so long.. The distance is really heartbreaking, not so much because of the miles in between but because we haven't met for last two and a half years.. Yes, you heard it right.. Two and a half years we have just been talking on phone and seeing each other thanks to SKYPE and Yahoo!
                  Of late I m having some extremely irritating mood swings.. The hormones playing havoc in my otherwise sound love life.. Only a drop of a pin is enough these days to get my temper soaring.. Then I get this hopelessly depressing mood and I cry myself out for no central reason. It just could be S not calling me back or S not checking my snaps..
                   He is having his own problems at workplace and I feel I m just adding to it.. I  sometimes feel like cutting off from him for like days and sort myself out.. That is not an option because I simply cannot stay away from him. I need him, even if it is just for fighting. It's not that I enjoy fighting or arguing. I get drained emotionally instead. I just need to talk to him no matter what.. Sometimes I feel its a compulsive disorder.. Now I don't know what I am talking about..sowie!!
                 He is supposed to come to my city next week and guess what?? I m leaving for my native place that very date!!! For a family function! Now who do I cry out my bad luck on??
                 With this state of affairs I will go mental soon...
Enough of my venting out here.. Just hope that we meet pretty soon.. The distance is taking a toll on me.. Sometimes I think what have I done so wrong to deserve this? Probably God doesn't give you good things easily..
               S came into my life as a blessing and nothing can change that fact.. Even if we don't stay together forever ,I will always love him..
             
P.S: I think I should be back only when everything is alright...

Oops!! No time for love..

              The title says it all.. My exams are going on and S is busy with his work..

Called him up early in the morning.. No exam ever goes well without his, "All the best baba" ...

Was pretty worked up early in the morning .. Somethings at home made me fume with rage and turned my little romantic head into a pressure cooker.. Walked off with my study material and those lofty books with a lightening speed( you could never believe I can carry something so heavy and with so much speed otherwise). Gave him a misscall and a little smile curved my lips... I love his number !! 
     To listen to that lazy and sexy tone ( I know I m crazy about it  ).... something I just can't describe... I m not exaggerating, but the very voice does calm me down into a more passionate mood...
    Then the smile turned into blushing  .. That is S effect!!

I remember this one incident when I was talking to him on phone in train.. The moment I disconnected the call my friend said," It was him na?"
I was like , "Yeah how did you know?"
She told me," I don't know how to describe it.. but you get this distinct smile and blush when it's him on the other side.."
What could I do but blush some more !  

I would like to see that "distinct grin" though...  (I know S, I haven't told you about this one!! Things that make me smile to myself )

But wow!! 4 years and I still get that blush.. I m loving it...

 one more thing... S doesn't know to wink... Khi khi khi.. I m the master at it!! I find it kind of cute though when he tries to wink back and ends up shutting both his eyes... Awww.. too much now I know ...

You must have figured that I m missing him like hell.. Don't know when his meeting will end.. Waiting for his call ....

P.S Let the exam get over.. Will start posting regularly.. Other than S :P you must be getting bored nah??