If there had been one thing about me that I would have liked to change then it would have been my dreams. No, not the ones that I see with open eyes ;).
The clarity of my dreams never ceased to amaze me. It has this almost life like quality to it. Nothing seems blurred or hazy like they show in dream sequences. Its as real as it could get to the point that I sometimes have to wonder if I saw a dream or was it real occurence.
On the brighter side, I have had some experiences for which I long in my real life. Its been months since I met S, but every now and then I get a dream so clear about him where I actually feel him close. Just because the memory of his touch, of his presence is so fresh in my mind. I can't thank my subconcious enough for playing it in my dreams!
I rarely share my dreams with anyone because they seem so ridiculous and end up becoming the butt of jokes. Just because I m so overwhelmed with the experience, I sometimes need to share it with someone. It backfires on me sometimes though.
I came early from college one day and I was so exhausted that I went for an afternoon nap (which I rarely do). I saw myself going into the kitchen and I realised that the gas stove was on. I tried to put it off when suddenly the next stove started to burn. I panicked, not realising what to do.
The same evening I recounted the whole dream to my mother. She told me "Call the neighbors if something like that ever happens".
The very next day the gas cylinder got over. I wasn't at home but when I returned my father asked me, "Did you really forget to put the stove off before you went to sleep? How come the gas got over in just 15 days?"
My mom was actually confused because of how accurately remembered my dream that she thought it actually happened and told it to Dad! Never again I m telling her my dreams!
I was very angry at her and told her that I had no business in the kitchen that day so there arised no doubt that I didn't put on the stove . Maybe she believed it later when I pointed out the various ways in which the gas was getting wasted!
Its funny how minute details of day to day life manifest themselves in my dreams like a whole new picture!
Something related to gold coins fell on my ear last week. I had not even paid much attention to the story. Later S told me how his machine parts looked like bullets and how it kept getting scanned.
Later that night I saw a dream in which me and S were shopping. He was buying gold coin and asking for a shop selling bullets!!! I cannot put down my reaction to that.
When I told him about it, he laughed and me and said, "Maybe I was buying bullets to kill you. You might have been demanding for gold coins from me! You saw future ka dream maybe" :D
It goes on the point when we don't have anything to say and he asks "Aur koi sapna dekha tumne?" and suddenly we have a topic to talk!
Why would I want to change having these dreams? Because they are equally real when its a bad dream. Tormenting, mentally disturbing and stays on in my memory. I don't watch horror movies for the same reason. They come back to me associated with the people I love.
I become unusually clingy to S and keep checking on him. If he is busy and delays calling, I m a wreck.
Even if I keep telling myself not to be so annoying and get so paranoid, I can't help thinking about it.
Last night was a bad night. In the morning , when I called S, he told me he was busy. When it crossed more hours than usual the bad thoughts started. I busied myself cleaning up my room and doing the laundry but kept checking the phone all the time. Numerous times I thought the phone is ringing only to find that its the song playing in the neighborhood!
At last in the evening I texted him that I was worried and only when he called back, I could heave a sigh of relief.
If only I could delete the bad dreams!!